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 TERROR THREAT LEVEL: Three Apples Tall --- WEATHER FORECAST: Ask Your Dad --- BUSH TO POOR PEOPLE: 'Get off your lazy asses and get a job!' --- Condi Rice to appear nude in Playboy, Hustler, Better Homes & Gardens --- Action figure collections 'totally hot and sexy', say actual blond co-eds we just interviewed --- New CSPAN drinking game: drink once for every time Sensenbrenner comes across as a complete prick --- Precious moments of life pissed away watching a scrolling banner on buffalobeast.com --- no really, quit it

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