Homosexual Oreos Make Me Puke
It’s happened again. Another trusted American brand has threatened the sanctity of marriage. How dare you, Oreo cookies? And to think that I used to put you in my mouth!
The Supreme Court just upheld Citizens United and smacked down labor fundraising, and they’re likely to end the tyranny of health care on Thursday. It’s bad enough the Obamerment is forcing me to go on man-dates…et tu, Oreos?
This is truly disturbing. No, really. It represents the casual worst of corporate America and its liberal media cheerleaders. Slap a pandering rainbow on your product, or hire a lesbian comedienne as a spokesperson, and the American consuming public collectively agrees that you, like, really give a shit.
Well, as was the case with J.C. Penney, the most superficial research reveals that Kraft Foods, the hypocritical folks who make Oreos, donates quite a bit of money to backward Republican assholes who think that love requires a man with a penis and his vagina-having counterpart. But you shouldn’t say “vagina.” That’s gross.
The first anti-gay marriage dickwad who pops up as a recipient of Kraft’s largess is Bill Shuster (R-PA). He’s no friend to teh gays. In the current 2012 election cycle, Kraft has donated about $160,000 to federal candidates — roughly half of whom are the aforementioned backward Republican assholes. But just as J.C. Penney hilariously informed/threatened “The Daily Beast,” Kraft isn’t spending this money to directly oppress homosexuals. They’re spending money on all sorts of unrelated bottom-line interests — likely continuing corn subsidies, fighting GMO labeling, and reelecting politicians who smear Michelle Obama for planting an organic vegetable garden.
So, yeah. There’s corporate money. And then there’s the corporate mouth. They tend not to put their money where their mouth is. I wouldn’t either. You don’t know where that money’s been.
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