"Totally coup, yo."

Have YOU seen Jane Corwin's birth certificate?

Apr

04

by

Because I know I haven’t

The other day, I said to my maid, “Find my birth certificate or I’ll have you deported.” She looked puzzled. Maria can clean like no one’s business, but she can barely speak English, which can be very frustrating. And, although I am fluent, I refuse to speak Spanish because it’s a truly vulgar tongue. So I picked up my phone, pretended to dial and very slowly said, “I-N-S?” Of course, she understood that! Within minutes, she’d unearthed an old pocket watch I’d lost, an ivory comb I forgot I had, and a very dusty stack of Kenny Loggins albums.

Hours later, much to our mutual relief, she’d found the document in question and delivered it right into my eager mitts:

I showed you mine. Now show me yours!

I showed you mine. Now show us yours!

Now, I don’t know if the rumors surrounding Corwin’s illegal nanny are true. Nor do I know whether she was really born in America. But it couldn’t be easier to threaten your illegal nanny with deportation, wait several hours for her to figure out what you’re looking for, and then prove once and for all that you’re a verifiable, natural-born U.S. citizen.

It’s not that hard, Jane! Why are you hiding your birth certificate from the people of New York’s 26th district? I’m not alone in thinking that the voters have a right to know whether you were really born in the U.S., as you claim, or if you’re a sleeper agent from the Islamic Republic of Iran, as some suggest.

Running for Congress, or pushing for Caliphate?

Corwin: Running for Caliphate?

The longer we have to wait, the more suspicious it seems. I’ve provided my birth certificate for all to see, and I’m sure my other opponents, Kathy Hochul (D) and Jack Davis (Tea), will have no problem complying with the wishes of the people.

What do you have to hide, Jane? We’re waiting…

________________________

  • Marty Feldman

    Murphy is just a moron who doesn’t know to be a congressman you don’t have to born in the US.

  • anonymouse

    You don’t need to be US born but it certainly helps…much like how it would help voters in NY-26 decide when Murphy finally comes out to answer the question about whether or not he raped and killed a young girl in 1990

  • F Daniel

    Yeah, I heard about that rape, but I thought he was exonerated??

    What really worries me, though, is all this Islamic Sleeper Agent talk I’ve been hearing about Corwin lately. But I bet even if she presented a birth certificate, it would probably be a doctored, fake thing.

  • Buffalo Rude

    Larry? Hah.

  • admin

    @Buffalo Rude,
    I know. I know. Not even short for Lawrence. Ridiculous.

  • Ed Gentner

    Ok…now we hear from an anonamous about an alleged rape murder commited by a 12 year old Ian Murphy….I must have missed reading the paper that morning and quite a few after….Are we allowed to speculate on who annoamous is? If we are, my money is on a portly wannabe pol who dislikes period costumes or his employer who hires the/fires the occasional domestic who might be used to drive her around town…..

  • anonymouse

    Although it does indeed sound unlikely, the possibility of such allegations not being false are indeed true. And the fact that Ian has refused to come out and publicly address these issues worries me, personally…

  • George W. Bush Jr.

    I am that girl (no I don’t mean Marlo Thomas) that Ian Murphy is accused of raping. He was twelve and I was twenty two and he was just so handsome and I couldn’t help myself. Ian has been protecting me all of these years and that is why I ask you to vote for him. He is a man of fine upbringing and of the highest moral character and he had the biggest slong I have ever seen on a twelve year old boy, oh boy, oh boy.

  • anonymouse

    It is true, I do suck a mean cock.

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