"Totally coup, yo."

Hillary Clinton Is a mad bitch




A column by Dana Milbank


[Editor's note: The BEAST is honored to bring you this guest post by living legend Dana Milbank and we dare not besmirch his immaculate prose by editing his work or even checking it for errors. Enjoy!]

I becom increesingly ANGRY with my Post columm. My edators hold me back and its really starting to piss me off. I wanted to say stuff about the oil thing and they were like no someone else is doing that. Write about President Obama getting rained on. Well I’ve HAD IT I went to Yale, I can write good and I want to write abuot whatever iwant . So I figured I had to explor other aditional opshins and I was like hell to the yeah Im sining up with The BEAST Quarterly. then Ian the edator said its not a quarterly and I was like oh cool but I still want too write for you guys. I can do good you’ll see and you’re traffic will go thru the roof. HAS IT? HAS IT? I bet it has now I bet

The oil spill thgin is bad everyone knows it but the questoian is what’re we gonna do about it? Im talking about the taxpayors and us the journalists who have too hold these compnaies acountable, really put they’re feet to the fire but not too close! we dont want them to get burned and collapse the econamy, thats soshalism. It is impertinant to stage an invstigatshion and find the facts in the middst of all that oil floting on top of the gulf. who did it? I don’t know do you? We have tofind out. Theres takl it could be environwhatever terrists and I think thats possibal genrelly speking but then again I dont know. could it be a natural disaster? Maybe but how did it happen? BP doesnt know and if they do their not telling us and now im ANGRY. my secretatary has they’re phone numbers and im gonna cal them later and get to the bottom this real quik, trust papa dana on that 1. ill let you guys know what happens in my next columm. am I getting paid for this

So yesterday I was on cnn

I was just talkin too my friend chris cilza from the Post like me he writes a blog and he was like dude you cant do what I do and I was like dude yes I can you dick. he was like dude omg why cant we do mouthpeace theater anymore it was so good! Iw as like yeah I know but the doosh bags complaned after we said that stuff and man I dont want to hear it anymor and nyther do the boses they gots o much crap dude you dont even know. and he was like yeah I do know cuz I was rite there the hole time you idiot. and I said oh yeah I remember now. he said do you wana go to bens chili bole and get some lunch. and I was like fo shizle my nizle im so down for that rite now starvin like marvin. I had a halfsmoke and it was good but then I couldnt finish it. after that I went to the white house and had a 3 ower convo with rahm god that guys such a dick


  • Biff Squatthrust

    I dunno, this sounds way too articulate for an unedited piece by Milbank.

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