"Totally coup, yo."

Ignoring The Westboro Baptist Church

Jul

23

by

Just Don’t Look

He still isn't as bad as Kirk Cameron

It didn’t take long.

A little less than a day after hearing about the tragic shooting at a showing of The Dark Knight Rises in Aurora, Colorado, I would find the first article about the Westboro Baptist Church picketing the funerals of the victims. If you don’t know by now, the WBC are a pimple on society’s ass that dedicates their entire existence to making sure we all know just how much God hates gay people. They do this by picketing the funerals of soldiers, shooting victims, and just about anywhere else where people are likely to pay attention to them.

They are firmly in the running for the title of Most Disgusting People On The Planet.

When I heard the news that they were planning yet another funeral picket, I was all set to go through my usual routine; get really mad and horrified that people like this exist, listen to some Slayer to get over it, then eventually calm down and eat a bag of pizza rolls. Just as I was really starting to rage, a thought crossed my mind.

Why do I give two flying fucks about these people?

Hell, why does anyone? Can anyone think of an honest reason why the Westboro Baptist Church continues to be relevant? We all know who they are, and what they do. We also know that they are awful people devoid of anything resembling human decency. We’ve known that for over a decade now.

So, why are we still paying attention?

The best way to rid ourselves from the WBC once and for all is to heed the advice of Paul Anka and Lisa Simpson: just don’t look. When Springfield was invaded by giant animatronic advertisements in Treehouse of Horror VI, the town simply averted their eyes, and the monsters quickly lost their power. The same thing can happen with Westboro. If we stop giving them the satisfaction of whipping ourselves into a frenzy of outrage every time they start their bullshit routine, they’ll eventually go away. And even if they don’t, no one will care, because no one will be talking about them.

Since I’m sure someone will eventually say “but John, you’re talking about them now,” I’m going to make a pledge: as long as I am a writer, I will never, under any circumstances mention these assclowns again. As of the end of this article, they are persona non grata to me.

Let’s keep in mind, no matter how homophobic America still is, very few people actually agree with these people. They have no influence whatsoever. Even Fox Fucking News thinks they’re deplorable. They have no place at the table of American political discussion. As such, their idiotic antics should not be the slightest bit relevant.

Also, their act has really gotten a bit old. We get it; you’re the dipshits who hold up signs at funerals. It doesn’t have the same impact it used to. Like when Marilyn Manson wrote his ten trillionth song about how he wasn’t popular in high school, and he isn’t particularly fond of Christianity, and all the people who were shocked by him just kinda said “yeah, ok, we get it.” That’s what we need to do with the WBC.

America may be a flawed nation, but we are strong enough to ignore the bile being spewed by these cretins. The next time I hear a WBC member prattling on about how we’re all going to hell for allowing “Project Runway” to happen, I’m just going to say “yeah, whatever” and put something else on. I strongly encourage you all to do the same. The only way we can defeat this menace is to stop giving it the attention it so desperately craves.

God hates people who don’t follow me on Twitter!

  • jkc

    good article. in the 3rd to last paragraph i believe you mean “their idiotic antics”

  • jkc

    good article. in the 3rd to last paragraph i believe you mean “their idiotic antics”

  • jkc

    good article. in the 3rd to last paragraph i believe you mean “their idiotic antics”

  • jkc

    good article. in the 3rd to last paragraph i believe you mean “their idiotic antics”

  • jkc

    good article. in the 3rd to last paragraph i believe you mean “their idiotic antics”

    • John Hugar

      Fixed. My bad. Despite my best efforts, little shit like that tends to get past me.

    • John Hugar

      Fixed. My bad. Despite my best efforts, little shit like that tends to get past me.

    • John Hugar

      Fixed. My bad. Despite my best efforts, little shit like that tends to get past me.

    • John Hugar

      Fixed. My bad. Despite my best efforts, little shit like that tends to get past me.

    • John Hugar

      Fixed. My bad. Despite my best efforts, little shit like that tends to get past me.

  • Diablo

    I love them…honestly I do. I can’t think of one other organization that has done more to normalize the acceptance of homosexuals in society than the WBC. I don’t care how fucking inbred, racist, hateful moron you are…when you see a nine year old little girl holding up one of their signs, yelling about Jesus hating Fags or some shit, it causes the you to re-evaluate your beliefs. Shit even the KKK wants them to tone it down.

    I’m still not convinced that Phelps ain’t doing this on purpose, like some brilliant Andy Kaufman style piece. This is a guy who had a house firebombed out from under him for standing up against segregation in Oklahoma. The dude seriously won an award from the NAACP for his work.

    Then he went full bore crazy and lost his law license…but still, abet not on purpose, the WBC does some good.

    • eatbeer

      The Westboro, yeah, they’re a little too liberal for my tastes. I’m more of a mainstream Christian.

  • http://www.facebook.com/siefertma Mark A. Siefert

    “…no matter how homophobic America still is, very few people actually agree with these people…”

    I have to disagree here. The homophobic “kill the fags” hatre the WBC is known for resonates with a LOT of conservative Christians. The “natural disasters and human tragedies are God’s punishment for gays/abortion/evolution/secular schools/desegregation/Rock N’ Roll/etc.” are a common claim made by many fundy churches. The primary reason the WBC is despised by the mainstream Christian Right is not their overall message, but that they have the temerity to use the funerals for fallen U.S. soldiers as a soapbox and implying that they are in Hell rather than enjoying 72 virgins in Heaven. (Oh wait, that’s the other side.) No jingoistic, flag waving Rethuglican with a hard-on for the military is going to stand for that no matter how much they hate The Ghey. That, and the WBC, which is mainly the Phelps clan and a few family members, is convinced that they are the only “True” Christians on Earth while even the likes of Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell are hellbound heretics tends to put a dampner on things.

    If Old Man Phelps and his daughter, Shirley, had learned some PR and to keep their interfaith hatreds under wraps like most theists do, they’d be much more popular.

  • Hsk

    “how he is not particularly fond of Christianity” yeah I get it to… I just thought you were talking about the beast which seems to only care about the endless and fruitless religious “debate”

    in a lot of ways the WBC seems to be the opposite of the same coin as the Beast… Sure they’re more vile but isn’t the beast pretty much just the counter argument in an incredibly boring debate?

    Oh the good old days…

  • http://twitter.com/TylerBass Tyler Bass

    (Pushes glasses up on nose; assumes obnoxious nasal, condescending vocal tone) Uhm, actually, I believe the plural of the term is “personae non gratae.”

    But maybe editing that is more attention than they deserve. Yeah. Probably.

    • John Hugar

      I did not know that. My public school system did not teach me Latin. Dodgeball was simply more important.

      I’m fluent in pig latin, though.

  • http://vectorpress.blogspot.com/ tpkroger

    Damn, I’d forgotten all about Marylin Manson. Ignoring assclowns really works!

  • crazi

    I wonder how they’ll react when a horde of pissed off people show up to picket the funeral of their family members. “God hates the Westboro Baptist Church!”

  • Brian McKeever

    Fox News hates them because the picket the funerals of those who voluntarily choose to go abroad as soldiers invading other countries that are no threat to the U.S. Just saying.

  • Cbos

    I cracked up with the the “Project runway” thing! Hilarious article!

  • test

    However much you dislike them, you have to admit they are good swimmers.

  • http://twitter.com/occultfan Occult Fan

    Thanks for writing this Ian. I wish you’d put your talents next towards a similar take on the shooter ‘itself’ from Aurora. I find myself wishing that this sort of thing, this (primal?) fascination… would be one of a few next key agenda items on dealing with a national/regional/collective conversation. Such to mean that if we can find a dialogue as to how to even approach this, wouldn’t that seethe then in to our other areas of life, you see where this is all going, I think. What would your take be on approaching how a human-caused, reasonably-isolated (one physical ‘space’ for the attack itself) tragedy might be most humanely/ethically dealt with as we interact with the magnitude of its happening?

  • Rich Goranson

    The Central Arkansas Pastafarians found the best solution on how to deal with the WBC. They didn’t threaten them, they didn’t attack them…they ridiculed them. They came out with their pirate hats and their “God Hates Shrimp” placards and made fun of them during their protest. They made them look ridiculous. And do you know what happened when they did that?

    The WBC packed up and went away…and didn’t come back.

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