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Jews News!

Jun

15

by

Glennifer Beck is going to have one of his right-wing parties in Jerusalem soon to find out how many ways people can mis-spell angry slogans in Hebrew. So fans of his who happen to be Jewish are now trying out some subtle viral marketing techniques to help raise awareness of just how dumb and fanatical people can get to defend even one of the non-mainstream hipster religions. Anyway, here are some true facts I found from Stormfront dot org.

  • Rabbi Daniel Lapin went on David Barton’s radio show to talk about how people aren’t mean enough to their pets these days. After all, Hitler liked dogs, so that must be important! Lapin tells us that people who equate people with animals – correctly, since humans share a common ancestor with other apes – then they will definitely want to kill millions of people. See, once you start thinking of humans as animals, AND you like animals, obviously you’ll want to kill both humans and animals. Also, WOMEN:

I mean how often does my heart break when I see a woman on a business trip frantically trying to calm her children over the telephone and tell them they should go to be with the sitter and she’ll be home after they’re asleep. That’s the woman who’d like to be with her kids if she could, but no–we really are making life tougher on people and all of this is of course consistent with the idea of promoting rights for animals.

He brought a Pomeranian bowling.

Rabbi Daniel Lapin seems to know a lot about the phone conversations women on business trips have with their animal rights activist children. How many times must he have been sitting in a motel room, holding up a glass to the wall so he could listen in on all their phone calls only to hear them talking to their kids about how they need to get to bed early so they’ll be well rested for their day watching guard over the local forced labor camp? Too many times, I tell you. If only all of those women Rabbi Lapin eavesdropped on would just ignore the fact of evolution and believe in a major division between human and non-human animals, all of this madness would stop.

  • The movement for gender segregation on buses, sidewalks, supermarkets, planes, and popular worship sites is picking up steam in certain parts of Israel. This is very important to the zealots because of the part of the Torah where Yahweh tells the Israelites that when they build giant machines which use the laws of aerodynamics in order to temporarily escape the Earth’s gravitational pull, it’s still going to be very important to keep the womenfolk away from the men because otherwise ol’ Smites-A-Lot will get angry. This is definitely why some non-kosher planes sometimes crash even though most don’t.
  • And lastly, there’s this guy they call The Rabbi because he’s a Rabbi. Actually they call him Rabbi David Twersky. He apparently has an unusual amount of control over the New Square village of NYC. Some residents speak out anonymously or otherwise against what they allege is a gang of thugs who violently enforces his edicts. One of his congregation stopped going to the main synagogue there, and started going to another one outside of The Rabbi’s village. So this guy’s not even an apostate; he just switched synagogues. Twersky allegedly sent a guy to burn him alive with a flammable liquid, but the victim lived and is now suing Twersky.

Oy vey! That is all for now, Mazel Tov.

  • Anthony

    Jewrific.

  • CrazyMama

    As a stay at home mother, I’d like to address this and say the number one reason women work is to pay the bills. Usually the biggest expense is healthcare cost. I know plenty of women who would stay at home if it weren’t for their insurance plan being better than their husbands or because the cost of their husbands insurance plan doesnt leave much for bills and food after.
    The only working class stay at home moms, have husbands who have good health care plans. And even in most cases a women still works a part time job, if not before then after the kids are all school age.

    So by this rabbi’s logic, a women having to go to work to help put food on the table and pay for healthcare cost, has some sort of connection to animals rights? This is very confusing to me.

    Right winged idiots don’t understand working class struggles. Women worked in sweat shops, long hours away from their children, and they still are in places not far from Israel. Where is the outrage about the working conditions forcing women to work away from their children for long hours in India?

  • Biff S.

    Aw, Lapin’s just all pissy since he was demoted from Animal Kingdom to single-celled plant status last year..couldn’t pass the science finals.

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