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Asian basketball guy > GOP debate

When I got home the other night, and prepared to sit on my ass for another lazy evening of television viewing, there was one question that immediately crossed my mind: Would I rather watch a gaggle of assholes who have no chance whatsoever of becoming president argue about who hates women and gays the most for the ten trillionth time, or do I watch the most awesome sports story in about a decade?

The choice was as easy as it sounds.

That’s why I decided to forego last week’s GOP debate, and watch Jeremy Lin and the New York Knicks clobber the Atlanta Hawks 99-82. I get the debate was probably the “smart” thing to watch, to let everyone know how “informed” you are about politics, but let’s be honest, these debates are made for the uninformed. They’re a way for a people who do the bare minimum of giving a shit about politics to have a vague idea of what’s going on.

Insert racist joke here

Besides, I already know what happens in these debates. Romney says something rich and priviliged, Santorum says something about gays coming to kill us all, Gingrich says something fat and subtly racist. Then they all talk about how awesome it’ll be to kill more Muslims in Iran. Then, Ron Paul points out why that would be stupid idea, and you briefly forget how insane all his other ideas are. Sunrise, sunset.

By contrast, when I watch Jeremy Lin play, I have no idea what he might do. Every game could be the game where he explodes for 50, or it could be the game where he finally collapses and shoots 0-for-20 or some shit. It’s absolutely riveting to watch. The only “what will happen this time?” questions I can ever ask about a GOP debate are “will someone finally slip and call Obama an ‘uppity negro’?” and “will Mitt Romney trip, smash his head on the podium and reveal his titanium robot skeleton?” But the candidates’ PR experts seem to be keeping them relatively reigned in, so that seems like a pretty irrelevant area as well.

“Wuuaah! You can’t defeat my walrus style!”

There is one other similarity between Jeremy Lin and the GOP primaries: the inevitable, lazy, useless Tim Tebow comparisons. Yes, Lin has been compared to Tebow, even though the only similarity between them is a mutual love of Jesus (which, to his credit, Lin is waaaaaay less annoying about), and there’s the noteworthy difference that Lin is actually, you know, good. The Rick Santorum/Tim Tebow comparisons, however? That actually makes sense. They’re both ultra-right wing conservatives who have succeeded in a way that continues to boggle the minds of reasonable people. Also, Tim Tebow ended up losing to Tom Brady, a slick, handsome dude from Massachusetts who a lot of people think is an arrogant prick. I think you can see where I’m going there.

So, yeah, as much I like to keep up with politics, the monotony of another Republican debate couldn’t possibly live up to yet another rousing edition of The Jeremy Lin Show. In fact, I wish those guys could just figure out who they want to lose to Obama already (hint: it’s Romney), so we could just forget the entire thing until about August and just focus on basketball. But, no, this will probably last until June, and these rich, white idiots will keep crowing at each other about who’s the best option for woman-subjugator-in-chief. Have fun with that; I’ll be watching basketball.

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  • E. Scott Frogelman

    Ahem. Tom Brady isn’t from Massachusetts… Just sayin’. The two times the Pats stomped the Broncos this season though, I did mentally frame it as the godless northeast shit-kicking goofy Jesus loving mid-westerners (mountain region?).

    • http://www.buffalobeast.com/ Josh Bunting

      Romney isn’t from Massachusetts either. You could say that both ruled with an iron fist from Boston, though.

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