"Totally coup, yo."






This letter comes to me last week from this guy named Burt, who I first thought was kind of a creep but now he seems kinda sweet. Anyway, he said he wanted to make a movie about Velma. No shit. So, I writes back to him and says “Yeah right.” He writes back and says, “No, I’m serious.” So he says all’s I gotta do is write a story about me. He wants me to make a demo tape or something at home. I thought a demo tape was for guys in bands to try and get a record contract but he explains how I can do it at home with a cheap camcorder or whatever. So I told him I’d give it a try and I wrote this story.

It starts out with me in my house just like getting ready to go out. I’m wearing this like really short, satin Japanese robe. It just barely covers me and doesn’t close all the way in the front. And I’m in front of the mirror doing my face when I hear this strange noise downstairs, like somebody’s rustling through stuff. So I go over to the top of the stair rail and say, all scared, “Is there someone down there?” And the noise stops for a second and I go back the john. Then I hear it again and go back the stairs and say again, “Hello? Is someone there?” The noise stops again but I can hear somebody breathing.

Then I creep real slow down the stairs and I don’t even notice that my robe is like totally open in the front now but the light is dim so you can’t see everything, just the outline of my boobs and a little fuzz. And I get halfway down and say, real nervous and girly, “Who is it?” And all I can hear is breathing. So I go down a little bit more and say, “Who are you? What do you want?” And out of the shadows of the front room jumps this being. They are huge, a foot taller than me, and they have a dark hood that comes all the way down and covers their face. This person runs at me and I turn to run up the stairs but they grab my robe from behind and try to pull me back but I can squeeze it against me tight with my arms and then all at once I let go and the robe comes off and the person falls backwards down on the floor. I run up the stairs and into the bedroom and slam the door behind me. I’m breathing heavy now and my heart is racing and I’m naked.

Then I can hear the person breathing again and coming up the stairs very slowly. I back up into the corner and turn the light off and crouch down behind a cedar chest. Finally I can hear them at the door of the room and they turn the knob very slowly. The light from the hallway spreads across the room and the person stops. They are looking for me like that monster from “The Predator.” It senses me in the darkness and comes toward me like a mummy. I’m too wound up to wait so I jump up and shout “What do you want?” and they stop and slowly pull the hood off and it’s a wild, savage, Amazon woman. She has long, frizzy, black hair and she holds out her arms to me. I scream, “Get back you freak!”

But she takes off her long, black robe and she’s wearing an outfit like Zena. She comes toward me and then she pulls this huge dildo out of the band of her bikini shorts. Then she attacks me and throws me on the bed and puts her head between my legs and tries to eat my pussy. She puts the dildo in her self and goes savagely at my mound with her mouth. Then she starts to hurt me and she’s too rough. Then she bites my clit and I fly into a rage.

I rise up and take the dildo from her and just wail on her body. I don’t hit her in the head or anything but I really lay it on her in the arms and ribs and legs. Then she begins to know that she is defeated.

That’s as far as I got but I sent it too Burt and he seemed real excited by it.


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