"Totally coup, yo."

Muppets aren't the only Communists in children's entertainment

Dec

06

by

Thanks to the hyper-vigilant folks over at Fox News, we can now add The Muppets to the long list of children’s characters, like Sponge Bob, Grover from Sesame Street, and the Teletubbies, who’re subverting the minds of our nation’s youth. At least someone cares about the children. But did you know that most, if not all, children’s characters are super-communists? They are!

The Smurfs
Their motto may as well be: “From each Smurf according to his abilityto each Smurf according to his name.” Each Smurf lives in an identical house, and has equal possessions. And Papa Smurf is basically a three-apples-high Marx with an obvious Red Hat. The PROOF is everywhere.

Bob The Builder
Purportedly a symbol of capitalist enterprise, the truth is far more disturbing. Bob’s catchphrase is “Can we fix it?” And the other characters always reply, “Yes we can!” Hmm…where have we heard that before? Oh, right: OUR COMMUNIST PRESIDENT. And Herman Cain gets flack for cribbing Pokemon.

My Little Pony
The setting for this subversive kids show is Equestria, which is ruled over by the dictatorial Princesses Luna and Celestia who, as their names suggest, raise and lower the sun. It’s a magical cult-of-personality kingdom on par with N. Korea, where the Pegasus ponies control the weather, just like Kim Jong Il.

Santa Claus
Taking the Christ out of Christmas for nearly two centuries, Comrade Claus is anything but a capitalist mogul. The bearded man in RED Occupies the North Pole — probably paying no rent and raping elves — and makes absolutely no money from his chilly, Chinese-esque slave labor camp. And “naughty” children are given coal; what kind of Greenwashing is this?

Jesus
Like The Muppets, the Jesus isn’t strictly for kids, but what does he teach our children? “Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth”? I’m sorry, no, not unless the meek stop whining and get a damn job! The Sermon on the Mount may as well have been written by Friedrich Engels.

Dora the Explorer
Look, no one knows where she’s from. But notice she’s never said an unkind word about Hugo Chavez. Coincidence? And have you ever seen her long-form birth certificate? I didn’t think so, and that probably means SOMETHING.

Fox & Friends
This is one of those early morning children’s shows that I’m admittedly not too familiar with. But there’s a puppet featured on the show called Gretchen Carlson, and though people actually believe it represents bona fide conservatism, it’s pretty clear that it’s just a straw-puppet meant to make conservatives appear absurd, and elevate communist detractors.

Fraggle Rock
Another Jim Henson creation, its deeply rooted anti-capitalist message should surprise no one. The romanticized proletariat class, the Doozers, are forever building elaborate constructions, which the bourgeoisie Fraggles are forever eating. If not outright communist, the series did much to promote class warfare.

For more examples of communist children’s characters, JUST OPEN YOUR EYES, PEOPLE!

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  • Ray

    Republicans actual believe this stuff — incredible.

  • Anthony

    Everyone always forgets about The Snorks.

  • admin

    I didn’t forget The Snorks. They just happen to be a fine example of one of the few openly capitalist cartoons in human history.

    • http://www.buffalobeast.com/ Josh Bunting

      Hey, it’s not capitalist, it’s “economic freedom.”
      /FrankLuntz

  • Bonnie

    I have had this argument with fox zombies before; the sermon on the mount’ basically contridicts every economic principal they believe and they get mad and call me names. Jesus would be pepper spray and fox would say Jesus deserved it.

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