"Totally coup, yo."

Murphy didn't mean it, baby




An open letter to Mika Brzezinski


Dearest Little Z-Big,
It broke my heart when I didn’t see you on “Morning Joe” last week. I was mortified when Scarborough said you were “horrified” by my “mean call.” Because I love you, baby. And Murphy didn’t mean to objectify your fine ass, which is damn fine. I mean, you’re no Willie Geist, but you got it going on. Let’s not kid ourselves. Even serial plagiarist Mike Barnicle has my back. As he explained, it’s typical for older, male viewers of “Morning Joe” to say something about you like, “Oh yeah…”

You, dearest Mika, are eye-candy for old men—the Werther’s Original of morning cable news, if you will. I was in character as David Koch, a very old piece of shit, who might say that you’re a real piece of ass in casual conversation. And you are, baby. Let’s not kid ourselves. Anyone who’s watched “Morning Joe” and seen you wearing those sexy-ass, thigh-high leather boots* can tell you that. Anyone who’s ever seen the b-roll pictures of you before commercial is well aware of your fineness. Anyone who’s picked up a copy of your book, and gazed upon the cover in sexual amazement, knows that you are a very attractive lady.

Murphy didn’t mean to do you wrong, baby. Murphy will never do it again. Murphy’s sorry. Murphy’s sorry in the third person, baby. He swears. And Murphy would never threaten you with the back of his hand, like some other jerks. Murphy was just playin’, Mika.

Somehow, this Barry White classic perfectly encapsulates my feelings:

Murphy doesn’t know what else to say. Murphy wants to buy you flowers. Murphy wants to take you out to Sizzler, for a real good meal. Murphy wants to serenade you on a moonlit beach. Murphy just wants your forgiveness, baby. Murphy needs that forgiveness! So, please, Mika, holla at yo boy.

Ian Larry Murphy

*This just in: those kind of boots are often called “fuck me boots.” But that’s neither here nor there.

  • RobThomas

    Fill me in here. Is Mika talking about your Koch call, or did you call her too? Because I’d love to see that. I just searched youtube, couldn’t find anything. If she’s referring to your Koch call, she’s a fucking idiot. “Mean”? Really? I’m so done with the corporate media.

    • http://nanobotswillenslaveusall.wordpress.com/ Josh Bunting

      We haven’t called Mika. Yet.

  • mike redmon

    Hey, be nice to Mika – it’s not like Joe lets her talk or anything.

  • aeskylos

    The Joe show treats Mika badly. She’s a beajtiful and intelligent woman who should have her own news spot. Who wants to look at trickle down Scarborough?

  • Count Wackula

    4 out of the last 5 articles have been about the koch prank…. i understand wanting to get max value out of the call (which was commendable) but don’t beat a dead horse.

  • greyzoned

    The Beast – and everyone else – could go on and on about Scott Walker and his conversation with “Koch” and it still wouldn’t ever get old hearing about what a fuckhead he is! Keep fighting the good fight!
    – a former Buffalo area resident – and I’ll never stop fighting for our city!

  • Scott

    You are a classless, despicable hack of a wanna be “journalist”. Bet your mother is proud.

  • Anteprepro

    “You are a classless, despicable hack of a wanna be “journalist”.”

    But enough about Scarborough.

  • http://alfrankenweb.com/forum Sir Rhino

    Just curious to see if this blog will accept the HTML IMG tag

    (If it does this will be a picture of the demonstration in Madison on 03/12/11)

    *SR crosses his fingers for luck*

  • http://alfrankenweb.com/forum Sir Rhino


  • http://alfrankenweb.com/forum Sir Rhino

    *SR tries one last time with something slightly different*


  • http://alfrankenweb.com/forum Sir Rhino

    Ok, so it was the next to last time … SR may have screwed up previously


  • http://alfrankenweb.com/forum Sir Rhino

    Honest … this really really is the last time

    < img src=”http://cmsimg.wisconsinrapidstribune.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?NewTbl=1&Site=U0&Date=20110312&Category=WIS01&ArtNo=103120808&Ref=PH&Item=33&Maxw=620&Maxh=465&q=60″ >

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