"Totally coup, yo."

Murphy's Law 2.5

Aug

10

by
I had many questions going into yesterday’s pretrial conference: What are my odds of going to jail? How long is this bullshit going to take? Should I have shaved? Are they going to tattoo my alleged crime onto my back until I bleed to death? And what the hell is a pretrial conference?
I’ll try not to waste too much of the good reader’s time here because, like all my friends who said they’d come, my arresting officer didn’t bother to show up and the proceeding was postponed until August 25th. More accurately, I don’t really have any friends. And Officer Donna Donovan was too stupid to find the right courtroom.
After Fallon dealt with my case, he tended to another client in a room across the hall, which is where we found Donovan wandering around, picking her ruminant nose and looking generally befuddled. She attempted to show Fallon an email an her phone, which proved that she’d been deceived into standing in the wrong room, for an entire hour. No matter that is was the wrong judge. And she wasn’t on the list. Buffalo Police cannot be expected to absorb every little detail of their surroundings.
After Fallon approached her about her “error,” she nonetheless went across the hall—eschewing any eye contact with me—to get her bit of paper signed. Cops get four hours on the clock, at time-and-a-half, for every court appearance. Just because she was too incompetent to make that appearance doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get paid.
So it was a big waste of time. Geoff Kelly, editor of the local alt-weekly Artvoice, showed up to report on my case. And I suspect there’ll be more media interest once we publish the mostly-recovered video. In a previous post, I speculated we’d have that done in a 48-hour period. That was a week ago. My bad. As it turns out, recovering deleted camera footage is a pain in the ass.
So far everything’s been recovered save for one crucial piece of footage. For reasons I don’t understand, the first half of my arrest

The pre-pretrial conference

[Read the first & second part of this ongoing saga]

I had questions going into Monday’s pretrial conference: What are my odds of going to jail? How long is this bullshit going to take? Should I have shaved? Are they going to tattoo my alleged crime onto my back until I bleed to death? And what the hell is a pretrial conference?

When police attack!

WHEN OFFICER DONNA DONOVAN ATTACKS!

I’ll try not to waste too much of the good readers’ time here because, like all my friends who said they’d come, my arresting officer didn’t bother to show up either. (The proceeding was postponed until August 25th.) More accurately, I don’t really have any friends. And Officer Donna Donovan was too stupid to find the right courtroom.

After Fallon dealt with my case, he tended to another client in a room across the hall, which is where we found Donovan wandering around, picking her ruminant nose and looking generally befuddled. She attempted to show Fallon an email on her phone, which proved that she’d been deceived into standing in the wrong room, for an entire hour. No matter that is was the wrong judge. And she wasn’t on the list. Buffalo Police cannot be expected to absorb every little detail of their surroundings.

She then went across the hall—eschewing any eye contact with me—to get her bit of paper signed. Cops get four hours on the clock, at time-and-a-half, for every court appearance. Just because she was too incompetent to make that appearance doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get paid.

So it was a big waste of time. Geoff Kelly, editor of the local alt-weekly Artvoice, showed up to report on my case. And I suspect there’ll be more media interest once we publish the mostly-recovered video. In a previous post, I speculated we’d have that done in a 48-hour period. That was a week ago. My bad. As it turns out, recovering deleted camera footage is a pain in the ass.

Everything’s been recovered, save for one crucial piece of footage. For reasons I don’t understand, the first bit of my arrest footage is truncated. The camera is pointing toward the ground and you can hear the sound of cuffs. I ask why she’s arresting me, and Donovan says, “It’s called ‘disorderly’.” I have to say that my video skills are often not orderly, so she has a point. Not really.

Anyway, the above stills are from when Donovan went after Bunting:

She flipped out and said, “I don’t want my picture taken. I don’t want my picture taken!” She then charged at Bunting, stomped on his foot and slapped the camera down from his face. She threatened to arrest him. Myself and a few others informed her that it’s not illegal to videotape her in public.

So there you go. BEAST scientists are still working hard to recover the footage from the first half of my arrest. Once we have it, or it’s clear that it is indeed lost forever, we’ll publish what video we have. I’ll not offer a presumptive timetable; it happens when it happens.

But some of my questions were answered: My odds of going to jail are not high, but very real; that bullshit took about an hour, which was spent waiting for the lost Officer Donovan; shaving was totally optional; and a pretrial conference is where the lawyers and the judge consider the charges, past offenses (none), and hammer out a deal. I will reject this deal, for I committed no crime.

I still don’t know about the tattoo, though.

  • David

    Good luck with this. This kind of stuff pisses me off royal and I’m glad to see you fighting it.

    How did the pigs try to get rid of the video? I take it that it wasn’t a simple delete? Did they use some sort of wiping software on the video files like Eraser? I’m assuming that a camera memory card is similar to a thumb drive and from what I understand about flash memory (it behaves differently than a standard HDD), you can take a flash drive physically apart and access the memory at some low level and often times recover stuff that normal software recovery tools aren’t able to recover, i.e., overwritten or “wiped” files.

  • Mike

    Right on, Ian. Thanks for naming her and providing the pix. Most people are far too afraid of these little tin-horned dictators (i.e., piggies) to stand up to them like this. Here in L.A., the cops are completely out of control, patrolling around in their black stormtrooper outfits. But no worry – everyone’s a criminal to the private prison system!

  • http://www.cinemasucks.com/ Mike C.

    Somebody was tripping when they called her cute in her evaluation on that cop review site.

  • WiteRabit

    Ian: I can help with the recovery of the video footage. I do digital forensics work to pay me bills.

    Send me an email and we can discuss this further.

  • WiteRabit

    (oh. I should point out that I’m offering to do the recovery for free… this arrest is totally bullshit.)

  • admin

    Mike C.,
    I’ve not looked too closely at that rate-a-cop website, but I’m pretty sure it’s used primary for police department PR. She’s neither cute, polite, nor good at her job.

    WiteRabit,
    Thanks for the offer, but I presume you’re a police mole, hellbent on properly erasing the footage once and for all. You think I’m just going to hand over the camera to a mole?! Never! But, seriously, I’m meeting with our tech guy today, and I’m going to pick up the camera and what I’m told is a good program for recovering Sony Handycam data, so barring unforeseen technical difficulties and my own incompetence I should get that final clip back this weekend. That said, maybe I’ll email you for help. You will, however, have to prove that you’re not a police mole by completing The BEAST Test of Evil Intentions! (This mostly involves the use of illicit drugs.) Thanks.

  • Robert in Sac

    Sign me up for the test of evil intentions!

  • WiteRabit

    Ian: I doubt the jurisdiction of a police mole extends to New Zealand. :P Yell out if I can help in any way, man.

    • http://nanobotswillenslaveusall.wordpress.com/ Josh Bunting

      Batman has no jurisdiction. He’ll find WiteRabbit and make him squeal!

      We have to kill the Batman.

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