"Totally coup, yo."

Murphy's Law 4




My lawyer shreds the charges against me, cops make up new charges

I had my motions hearing last Tuesday, Oct 11th. And the one good thing about this experience is that I’m learning, up close and personal, a lot about the law. The bad thing about it is that I’m learning, up close and personal, a lot about the law. Sad emoticon.

My lawyer, and BEAST publisher, Paul Fallon submitted motions to the DA’s office, nearly a month ago. They more-or-less stated that all the charges against me are incredibly vague, and read more like a paraphrasing of the laws themselves, rather than how I actually broke those laws. That’s how police reports read when people get arrested for no reason. It’s like the cops just say, “How’s that law go I said he broke? Right, that’s the ticket. He did that.”

The second bit of the motions was a matter of discovery. “Discovery” is just like saying, “You’ve made the claim that I broke the law, now show us anything you have that’s supposedly going to help your case.” So if I “disrupted a religious service” (a misdemeanor) where is the National Organization for Marriage’s City of Buffalo permit for having a religious service on the steps of City Hall? If I’m guilty of “harassment,” whom did I harass, specifically? Names. Show us the Niagara Square security footage of me doing anything illegal. Etc.

The first motions hearing was actually scheduled for the 3rd. We showed up. “The People” acknowledge receiving Fallon’s motions, but the dog ate their homework, and it was rescheduled for Tuesday at 2 pm…the Judge honors us with her presence at 2:30, and my legal education begins in earnest.

“The People” mostly ignored the discovery motions. The young lady from the DA’s office says she, like, didn’t read the whole thing. It was 3 pages long. She eventually apologizes to the Judge, who I’m trying to shoot a subtle wink.

Judge Eagan probably thought I had something in my eye. I don’t know. I even said hello to her this time. And I tried not to stand with my hands clasped behind my back, as I have been doing. I just don’t know what to do with my hands when I’m up before a judge. Hand on the hip seems a bit casual. Folded arms seems too defensive or disrespectful. But hands behind the back seems like I already have my hands in cuffs. I dunno.

But the prosecution did respond to Fallon’s motion pertaining to the incredibly vague, fake charges against me. There are now new fake, more specific, charges against me. Fallon argued that the law allows the prosecution to correct errors in a police report, such as a wrong date, address, etc., but it doesn’t allow for them to simply make up new charges and details. The judge, however, saw absolutely no problems with this.

The harassment charge was dropped and replaced with another vague instance of disorderly conduct. The arresting officer Donna Donovan now claims that she saw me “push one [religious] celebrant and knock a Bible out of his hand.” And, so far, the prosecution’s proof that NOM had a permit for a religious service, despite, again, it being a non-religious 501 (c) (4) and the fact that I didn’t disrupt the event, is that Donovan did “personally review a City of Buffalo permit for the prayer service.”

Incidentally, Buffalo City Hall has refused to release this public document to either myself or my lawyer. So…what up with that?

They did dig up a “witness” — some lawyer asshole (who possibly owes someone a favor?) named Roland Cercone. His supporting deposition reads that he “did witness the defendant, IAN MURPHY, pointing a penis-like object at and around the heads of individuals participating in a prayer service.”And I did “make obscene gestures with the penis-like object at that location, which is a public place, causing individuals, including myself, to be visibly annoyed and alarmed by the defendant’s conduct.”

I asked one guy a question with the dildo-phone and it was, at its closest, over a foot from his head. And unless he means “holding it,” I made no obscene gestures. Regardless, in this document “The People” have presented a deposition supporting that fact that I did nothing illegal. I apologize, for your puritanical nature, Mr. Cercone, but annoying you is not a crime. It’s my right, as a freedom-lovin’ ‘Murkan.

“The People” should be getting to the rest of our motions…whenever the fuck they feel like it, I guess, is the legal protocol.

Judge Eagan blushed ever so slightly at the prospect of this case going to trial. And she should be embarrassed. The system is a vulgar joke, and I hope this thing sprouts the tents, elephants and clowns it deserves. I feel like I should call Larry Flynt or something. Get measured for a diaper. Or something.

It’s not like this could get more ridiculous than it already is.


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  • matt

    best of luck.

  • drinkycrow

    I can’t believe this shite is still going on! I would have thought at least one sensible person should have stepped forward to end this farce by now. Why is the DA’s office even bothering to move ahead with this crap case? What’s the point?

    By the way, you’re not the first to interview people with a penis microphone: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/1040401/

    Maybe this precedent will be helpful to you :)

  • mcauley

    good luck Ian.

  • Learned my lesson

    I tried to buy beer, like I had many times before, in 1988 at the age of 18. I gave the man, who ended up being a psychotic heroin addict just paroled from prison, my money. He then came around the counter and said he was tired of “crackers comin’ in his sto tri in to buy beer.” It was a circle K.

    After being attacked and defending myself from various weapons, he was charged with aggravated assault and I was charged with possession of alcohol by a minor and petty theft. The argument was I couldn’t legally buy it so I must of stole it. I didn’t have money for a lawyer and to this day have to report these charges on applications because I was too scared not to plead no contest. His charges were dropped because, it turned out, he had a rich family.

    Back then it wasn’t illegal to try and buy beer, btw. Lesson learned was something doesn’t have to be against the law to totally ruin your day and cause embarrassment the rest of your life.

    More power to you. I hope you put them in the same place they’ve been putting us in for generations. In the dunce box!

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