Procrastination has long been the scourge of productivity, and with the rise of addictive social networking sites including the YouTube Store and the FaceSpace, most believe that it’s only going to get worse from here. But is there any way to stop it and give yourself the ability to constantly work all the time?
For the sake of your happiness, we certainly hope so. Give a few of the following tips a whirl and see how it goes:
- Become paralyzed with indecision and anxiety
If you’re not going to get your work done, at least spend that time feeling guilty about it, instead of commenting on strangers’ pictures on Facebook. Try staring at the wall, or your hand. Remain in this frozen state until your body needs sleep.
- Watch “Multiplicity”
This classic Michael Keaton film will show you that by making several clones of yourself to do all the boring work in your life, you’ll get to procrastinate all you want. Caution: in the movie, Michael Keaton’s clones surprisingly don’t help him in the way he thought they would. Don’t worry, yours will probably be fine.
- Buy an armadillo
Wouldn’t that be so hilarious? I mean, who has an armadillo? It would be an instant conversation starter, that’s for sure. “Oh, hey, by the way, I have an armadillo, so…”
- Make goal of procrastinating, then procrastinate that
Guess what? You were so busy trying to procrastinate your procrastination that you just finished all of your work. You’re welcome.
- Turn procrastination into hilarious YouTube video
Consider pointing out how it sort of rhymes with “masturbation”, then make a funny rap song out of it, especially if you are white and/or old. Then, watch the views roll in…Mr. Millionaire!
- What about that armadillo
Hopefully they’re not very expensive to keep. Are there even armadillo shots? Could you just buy dog shots and give them to him? Probably.
- End the ultimate procrastination: the procrastination of death
Your very existence merely serves as a way to put off the inevitable — a classic sign of procrastination. Escape your deadly vice now, before it’s too late and you end up living another 50 years.
- Sprinkle a little crack into your mouth
Do drugs help stop procrastination? You’re about to find out!
- Eat something
Often, having a little snack is all it takes to focus your mind and get back to work. Keep telling yourself that, fatass.
- Stop reading this
Chances are, this isn’t what you turned on your computer for. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Go do that! [Or, you could read more of the site and click on one of our exciting sponsored links! - Ed.]