You have got people having sex on the street, walking around topless, smoking pot…
-Sean Hannity on the protestors in Zuccotti Park, 10/14/2011
While it’s true that there are few people dumber than a Fox News viewer, can that lie really work? Yes, a 33,000-square-foot park, surrounded by cops 24 hours a day, is full of flagrant law breakers. And law enforcement is, what, masturbating to it? Handing out the weed? Well, god knows, cops are holding. And they’ve been so cool with the protesters that I guess anything is possible.
But, in the interest of being Fair & Balanced™, let’s examine some other totally plausible things that Fox News could say about the Occupy Wall Street people.
OWS was responsible for the Clone Storyline in Spider-Man
Yes, the worst Spider-Man idea since they ended his marriage to Mary Jane Watson but kept Aunt May alive! The damn, dirty hippies of Occupied Wall St. demanded that Spider-Man have a clone, which just screwed up that comic something awful. God damn them!
OWS Sabotaged Dan Wheldon’s Brakes
Two-time Indianapolis 500 winner Dan Wheldon, who died on October 16th in a horrific 15-car pileup in a season-ending Indycar race at Las Vegas Motor Speedway, was marked for death by OWS. Remember Mr. Wheldon was rich, white, straight and loved America. There was no way those anti-corporate cunts of Occupy Wall Street could ever let that stand.
Coauthor of the Occupy Wall Street Declaration Ryan Hoffman has gay sex with his dad, liberal icon Dustin Hoffman
Hoffman, who must be the son of Dustin Hoffman because they have the same last name, probably has gay anal sex with his father! Everyone knows Hollywood loves anal sex and, as secular Jews (Hoffman is a Jewish last name, isn’t it?), they hate all traditional American values — especially the kind where a man fucks his wife in the front hole as Jesus Christ commanded.
OWS converted Mitt Romney to Mormonism
Speaking of our Lord and Savior, it was Occupy Wall Street who turned Mitt Romney on to the coffee-hating, totally not-Christ-endorsed Mormon Church. Now Republicans will be forced to vote for a black or a man who wears magic underwear and probably has 12 wives hidden away somewhere. Damn you Occupy Wall St.
OWS protesters are gay, Muslim Mexicans who are building a mosque right there in Zuccotti Park
As has been established, because they hate America, the OWS crowds are doubtless homosexuals. And since they are a bunch of queers, they are definitely also Muslim and Mexican. Right now, they are building a Mosque dedicated to their Godless Master, Imam Richard Dawkins. If these people are allowed to continue to stay in that park we will be a nation under Atheist-Sharia Law by
Christmas “The Holiday Season.”
OWS Helped Michelle Obama Murder And Bury The Love Child She Had With Chaz Bono
Listen, she’s black and married to a Socialist Kenyan. He’s trangendered. Nuff said.
OWS held America down and forced Russell Brand down its throat
Probably the most insidious thing about these freaks occupying everywhere is the part they played in having Russell Brand come to America and force himself on our blessed country. Russell Brand is a drug addict who came from a foreign nation called, if you can believe it, “England!” His entire lifestyle is one of sick, lustful tomfoolery. Plus, look at his hair!
Down with Occupy Wall Street!
Hope that helps, Fox News!