"Totally coup, yo."

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In Which We Jump On the Tebow-Bashing Bandwagon

Jan

15

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There are lots of numbers associated with football games. But what do they mean?

A lot was made of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow throwing for 316 yard in last week’s footsball game against the terminally unemployed steel-workers of Pittsburgh. You see, Tebow stood out from other quarterbacks for painting Bible verses on his face, a favorite of his being John 3:16. People imagined there was some connection between the number of yards Tebow threw for and the placement of one of the more important verses in Christianity within one of the later Gospels.

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Murphy's Law 5

Jan

13

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The “I Can’t Believe This is Going to Trial” Edition

UPDATE, January 17th 11am: The City Hall security camera footage finally provided by the DA’s office conveniently will not play. While my lawyer and the DA talk to the company that owns the proprietary video software to figure it out, my trial has been postponed until May — with a hearing about the camera footage set for Feb 2. Seeing how the Buffalo Police Department erased my exonerating camera footage, I’d be incredibly surprised if the cameras under their control weren’t mysterious “broken” on the day in question. But we’ll see.

For those of you who’re unfamiliar with the ridiculous legal case against me, you can read Murphy’s Law parts 1, 2, 2.5, 3, 3.5, and 4. Or if you hate lengthy first-person accounts, you can read this succinct report at Raw Story. But, basically, I got arrested for filming a cop while covering a National Organization for Marriage “We Hate teh Gay” rally in Buffalo, New York. And, no, filming cops is not illegal in New York, so they fabricated a bunch of charges to justify my arrest. And then they erased my camera to cover their asses.

Anyway, before I go to court on January 17th, a little update seemed in order…

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This Week In Crackpottery #1: Witch Hunts, Psychics, AGW Deniers, & Hindu Nationalists

Jan

06

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So I had originally thought of calling this regular column This Week In Fucked Up Religious Shit, but a few problems came to mind. For one thing, there are lots of non-religious infuriating, hilarious, or otherwise crazy shit I would have to ignore: psychics, alternative medicine, fringe politics, conspiracy theories, North Korea, and a lot more. Also, I’d eventually collide with the problem of trying to delineate between what does and does not qualify as a religion, which can be tricky at times. I’d rather leave that problem to the IRS.

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Coping With the Heat

Jan

03

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How to Deal With Miami Heat Dominance

We’re a week into this shortened NBA season, and already the Miami Heat look un-fucking-stoppable. After getting bloody revenge against the Mavericks on Christmas day (sidenote: that team looks awful), they plowed through a rapidly aging Celtics team, and just this past Sunday, they slaughtered the Bobcats by 39 points – and that was when Lebron was having an off day!

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The 8 Most Awesome Drone Stories of 2011!

Dec

30

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It’s a list. We hear you like lists.

Compiling this list is always difficult. There are just so many needy nations, upon which our beneficent empire could deliver death from above, that you can’t help but be disappointed by how relatively few we actually oblige. And, of course, this compendium is both wholly subjective, and admittedly incomplete. Perhaps your favorite assassination didn’t make the cut, or you’ll take umbrage with my ranking system. Or maybe one of our awesome Predators killed your entire family with a Hellfire missile, and you’re being a whiny little bitch about it. What can I say? Everyone’s a critic.

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5 Things To Expect From The NBA Season

Dec

22

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It’s a sports list. You like lists. You like sports.

The NBA lockout is resolved, so much like Moe Syzlak, I can put off my holiday suicide for another year. But what about the season we’re going to get? Last year’s season was one of the most enjoyable seasons in NBA history. That it ended with Miami’s cabal of evil getting humiliated, while Lebron James froze in the headlights like a slightly more pathetic Bambi, was just the icing on the steak. It’s unknown if this season will be as fun, but here’s a few things to expect from the 2012 NBA season.

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BEASTcast 16: Jill Stein

Dec

22

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Murphy chats with the best presidential candidate you’ve never heard of — the Green Party’s Dr. Jill Stein.

For more info on how to take our country back from Wall Street, visit jillstein.org.

Or, you know, just throw your vote away on one of the two-party corporate hacks.

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The 5 Worst Songs of 2011

Dec

21

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It’s a list. You like lists.

Theoretically, there shouldn’t have been too many horrible songs this year. Ke$ha didn’t make an album, for one, and mavens of mediocrity Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and Carrie Underwood all mercifully declined to release new music this year. But like evolution and gravity, this is just a theory.

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