"Totally coup, yo."

World Net Daily: believes in dragons, claims I’m in “denial of Obama’s patently evident Neo-Marxist socio-political worldview”

Jun

19

by

I’ve finally made it. The fundie lunatics at World Net Daily have at long last acknowledged my existence and important contribution to society. And it’s pretty goddamn funny.

Matt-Barber

Barber wants to “unite” with Murphy (probably gay code)

Written by WND contributor—Washington Times, Town Hall hatemonger, and self-loathing homosexual—Matt Barber, the article “Liberals and conservatives, unite!” has a strong title which is soon undermined by the conservative delusion under which Barber thinks we should all suffer:

In the wake of CIA whistleblower Edward Snowden’s earthshaking revelation that the Obama NSA has been spying on tens of millions of Americans – conservatives, liberals and moderates alike – by illegally searching and seizing telephone calls and other private data, I tweeted the following: “So can liberals and conservatives all come together now and agree that Obama is a Marxist tyrant?”

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SNOW JOB: Being Edward Snowden

Jun

19

by

How I pretended to be the NSA PRISM whistleblower on Twitter, gained some 4,400 followers, duped a bunch of journos, and why

This article originally appeared at the Internet Chronicle

Snowden, pictured here, definitely not using Twitter

June 8, as the U.K.’s Guardian newspaper was disclosing the identity of the leaker of top-secret National Security Agency PowerPoint slides, I was just finishing up a blog post on the leaker’s revelations. Having contrasted and compared published slides with claims by public officials, and given an in-the-loop Washington Post‘s reporter’s rationale for their selective release, I had the distinct sense that I was already behind the curve. The leaker, former NSA employee Edward Snowden, had fled the country for Hong Kong by the time he handed over the slides to The Guardian and The Washington Post. In an exclusive video interview with The Guardian from Hong Kong – where he is currently seeking asylum – Snowden made claims even more extraordinary than the slides themselves.

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Bill Maher & the Evangelical Left

May

29

by

This article originally appeared at the Progressive.

New Rule: Maher must blow the Baby Jesus if he’s going to keep preaching Democratic magic

It’s absolutely horrific. Although the single, “I wanna bang you,” is debatably the most convincing argument for nuclear holocaust to date, I’m not referring to the release of Paris Hilton’s second album. Vastly more terrifying than the Auto-tuned caterwauling of a vapid hotel heiress is the degree to which political affiliation and base tribalism warps our very perception of reality.

For instance, a recent study published by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences demonstrated that self-identified conservatives were far less likely to purchase energy-efficient compact fluorescent lightbulbs if a sticker on the package read: “Protect the environment.” And, in the real world, Obama-era liberals have repeatedly supported policies they once reviled only because the sticker on the box read: “Hope and Change.”

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How Louis C.K. ruined Louis C.K. for me

Apr

06

by

“Atheists are arrogant,” says half-bright comedian

louis.ck

C.K. does his impression of Rick Santorum

Life in Buffalo is a relentless shit-show. Unless you’re excited by awful sports teams, there’s not a lot of quality entertainment around, so on the rare occasion a comedy genius rolls through town you go. You just go. And for two hours you get to forget you live in Buffalo. Sadly, not very long into his set, Louis C.K. did a bit that left me acutely aware of where I was, how much I overpaid for my ticket, and why our species is so utterly fucked.

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The Definitive 2013 Guide to the 2016 Republican Presidential Frontrunners, Part II

Apr

01

by

The Horrific Speculation Continues!

(Read Part I here.)

Chris Christie

First Republican Governor of New Jersey since 1988. “Tough-talking” and vulgar in the cathartic way that sad, white, middle-aged men generally respond to. Currently falling out of fashion with some GOP hardliners for conceding that a debate about gun control should at least exist. Also not-well liked because he seemed to genuinely enjoy working alongside the Commander in Chief following Hurricane Sandy. Like many middle-aged men, he will go out of his way to profess his taste in music. Being from Jersey, Christie has a love for Springsteen (he weeped like a child after receiving a post-Sandy hug from The Boss). He’s apparently never listened to the lyrics of a single Springsteen song. He’s also very fat.

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The Definitive 2013 Guide to the 2016 Republican Presidential Frontrunners, Part I

Mar

21

by

LET THE HORRIFIC SPECULATION BEGIN!

 

After nearly four years of watching an estimated $6 billion shat away in what we were told would (once again) be The Most Important Election in Human History™, an increasingly impoverished American populace turned out an estimated  57.5% of eligible voters to select one of two guys to be president.

With President Obama now safely at the helm for four more years of Democratic Party-led warfare and austerity, we’ve all returned to our regularly scheduled apathy. Yet, like Christmas, election season seems to come earlier and earlier each cycle. Therefore, to keep you ahead of the curve, here’s a rundown to many of the GOP’s so-called presidential frontrunners who’ll plague our television screens and Facebook feeds for the next four years.

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