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Posts Tagged with ‘Bunting’

The BEASTies: War Horse

February 15th, 2012 by

¬†”That one alone will get us a couple crates of glue!”¬†

0-15:00 The movie opens with John Williams piloting a plane with his orchestra who he has kidnapped. The deal is that they have to keep playing that sappy music he likes so much or else he will crash the plane. You ever wondered how he managed to get so much soundtrack work? Now you know. So Williams is spying on this town which seems to exist only for the sake of a horse-driven economy. Most people’s lives revolve around buying and selling horses. No other commerce is permitted. One of these horses is called War Horse, and a family trains him to assassinate a member of Austrian royalty. War Horse is obviously a code name for Whitney Houston. The horse starts smoking rocks all day. (more…)


BEASTcast 19: Adam WarRock

February 13th, 2012 by

BEASTcast Episode 19: Adam WarRock (mp3)

Adam WarRock is a nerd rapper who releases a ridiculous amount of free content through his website. His newest album, You Dare Call That Thing Human?!?, was released just this week. We talk about nerdcore rap, comic books, sci-fi, ragequitting, politics, and his newest album.

You can buy his newest album here. Also, check him out on tour if you can.


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The BEASTies: Midnight in Paris

February 10th, 2012 by

0-10:00 Johnny and Jane America have tagged along with Jane’s parents to Paris. They hate each other and are probably only engaged to spite each other. Jane meets up with some of her friends and they all go out of town together so they can throw rocks at Johnny while yelling homophobic slurs at him for being a sissy boy who enjoys France, rain, and other gay stuff like that. (more…)


TWiC #6: Obama is a Secret Pharaoh Clone

February 9th, 2012 by

“OBAMA! And BIDEN! The Three Musketeers!”

So it looks like birtherism is about as dead as we could hope. Sure, the WorldNetDaily and Washington Times crowd will never be convinced Barack Obama is an American human, but the public consciousness has at least shifted enough around this issue that when someone admits to being a birther it’s pretty much the end of any serious conversation. So now the would-be birthers who still want to be taken seriously have to limit their race-baiting to the kind of dog-whistle buzz words and phrases that people like Newt Gingrich are so fond of. (more…)

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The BEASTies: The Help

February 7th, 2012 by


0-20:00 This movie is set in a commune of Ron Paul supporters who like to bus in African-American women from the movie Gone With the Wind to show them what it’s like to have liberty and stuff. Aibileen¬†and Minny are two of them. Skeeter is a blogger and has a quota of 15 posts per day, not including LOLcats. This is very difficult to do without any internet, so she gets her white supremacist friends to loan her their slaves to sub-contract out her blogging “work.” We also meet a woman named Celia¬†¬†who is ostracized because she is too naive to be racist, and Hilly the former Nazi prison guard. (more…)


The BEASTies, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

February 5th, 2012 by

Tom Hanks revives his role from Toy Story 3 as an al Qaeda terrorist. This time he’s bombing the World Trade Center on orders from Dick Cheney and Popular Mechanics magazine. On September 11, his son Oskar is let out of his Modrassa early so he can burn American flags and celebrate the beginning of the final battle between the followers of the Prophet Mohammed and the infidels. When he gets home, he listens to the messages on his answering machine from Tom Hanks (Peace and Blessings Be Upon His Name) which inform him that their mission was a success and that Allah is great.



TWiC #5: Sally Morgan and other frauds

February 3rd, 2012 by

“Gimme all your money or I’ll crush your head for Jesus!”

One of the more celebrated debunking instances among skeptics is when James Randi and his cohorts caught the notorious scam artist / phony “faith healer” Peter Popoff red-handed lying to his audiences. For those who don’t know this story, Popoff’s staff would ask the audience as they were arriving to fill out “prayer cards” with their names, contact info, and which ailments they were hoping to cure by showing up. Popoff’s wife would collect them and during the performance, she would read some of the more promising entries and transmit the information to a receiver Popoff had hidden in an earpiece. (more…)


The BEASTies: The Descendants

February 1st, 2012 by

I really mean it this time, I am relieved to have those first two self-indulgent pieces of crap out of the way. Now I can actually enjoy one of these movies since it’s clearly a documentary about an old school West Coast punk band I’ve had the pleasure of seeing live a few times back in the day. (more…)


The BEASTies: The Artist

January 30th, 2012 by

Well it’s definitely refreshing to have gotten Hugo out of the way. I really hate how self-indulgent filmmakers can get when it comes to making movies about movies. It’s as if they’re trying to show us ignorant plebs how special they are in how they perceive their own work and how we’re all doing it wrong.

But that’s all behind us now. Next is a movie called The Artist, and it’s probably about a non-filmmaker artist. I’m sure the Academy is not so far up their own asses to nominate two movies about movies. If they did that, they might as well all just line up in front of a mirror and start fapping to themselves. Right? (more…)


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