"Totally coup, yo."

Posts Tagged with ‘Bunting’


Those homos in the State Senate should pass the Marriage Equality bill already

June 22nd, 2011 by

A BEAST Reader Opinion

billy-ray

by Billy Ray Bull

So here we are on the cusp of a major civil rights victory, right here in New York State. Sure, we’re not the first state to legalize gay marriage, but we’ll be the first with a large population. But instead of getting down to the important work of fighting for marriage equality for all, our State Senate is being all gay about it.

Each moderate Republicans has taken their share of the spotlight by publicly considering whether or not to support marriage equality. And then there are staunch Democrats and Republicans who have already made up their mind. This leaves the Senate as a whole institution straddling the fence. And they probably like that, being gay homos and all.

Hey, New York State Senator Mark Grisanti! If you like being indecisive so much, then why don’t you marry it? Oh, is it because indecisiveness is another dude, and it’s currently illegal for you to marry it? Then that’s your own fault, you fag!

OK guys, here’s the New York State Senate: “Oh Gregory, what ever should we do today?” “Well Robert, let’s start by stalling on the Marriage Equality bill by designating sweet corn as the state vegetable. Then we can get to the buttsecks because we are huge homos and we love the cock!”

Our elected officials should be representing their constituencies. That means all of them, not just the ones who share a common sexual and gender preference. Even serial killers and rapists are allowed to get married while they’re in prison. And they’re not even allowed to vote! It’s wrong and immoral for our elected officials to deny basic human rights to someone just because they love someone of the same sex. It’s also pretty fucking gay of them.

So let’s get moving, people! We’re on the verge of making history here, and if you’re a public figure, you should want to be on the right side of it. Take a break from feeling each other’s schlongs or whatever it is you guys do all day and pass the Marriage Equality bill already.

6 Comments

Paley's Watchmaker

June 17th, 2011 by

In crossing a heath, suppose I pitched my foot against a stone, and were asked how the stone came to be there; I might possibly answer, that, for anything I knew to the contrary, it had lain there forever: nor would it perhaps be very easy to show the absurdity of this answer. But suppose I had found a watch upon the ground, and it should be inquired how the watch happened to be in that place; I should hardly think of the answer I had before given, that for anything I knew, the watch might have always been there. (…) There must have existed, at some time, and at some place or other, an artificer or artificers, who formed [the watch] for the purpose which we find it actually to answer; who comprehended its construction, and designed its use. (…) Every indication of contrivance, every manifestation of design, which existed in the watch, exists in the works of nature; with the difference, on the side of nature, of being greater or more, and that in a degree which exceeds all computation.
‚ÄďWilliam Paley,¬†Natural Theology (1802)

That’s how this teleological argument for the existence of God was most famously articulated. It’s also known as the argument from design. Like Pascal’s Wager, it’s one of those bits of theology that’s often repeated ad nauseum by laypersons, and usually ones who’ve never read the original citation above. And also like Pascal’s Wager, there are so many problems with it that it’s difficult to know where exactly to begin. (more…)

35 Comments

Jews News!

June 15th, 2011 by

Glennifer Beck is going to have one of his right-wing parties in Jerusalem soon to find out how many ways people can mis-spell angry slogans in Hebrew. So fans of his who happen to be Jewish are now trying out some subtle viral marketing techniques to help raise awareness of just how dumb and fanatical people can get to defend even one of the non-mainstream hipster religions. Anyway, here are some true facts I found from Stormfront dot org. (more…)

3 Comments

Rick Perry and Bryan Fischer will pray five times facing Mecca on August 6, Insha'Allah

June 14th, 2011 by

You’ve probably heard that Texas Governor/Imam Rick Perry has called for a day of prayer n’ fasting in order to call on his favorite deity, Jehovah 1, to reverse the disastrous course of President pro Tempore Barackhmed Husaini al-Nobamacare IV, Esq. He has also invited all foreign, non-Texan Governors to hang out with him for the day and talk about how awesome the sea Goddess Sedna is and maybe have a barbecue because the odors are pleasing to the Lord. But unfortunately only Kansas Governor Sam Brownback has RSVP’d so far.

(more…)

1 Comment

Jesus was a reactionary douchebag

June 13th, 2011 by

Some really obnoxious and mindless cliches have been popping up from commenters in a previous article about how Jesus was really a swell guy who had such nice teachings, and if only his followers hadn’t distorted his message we’d all be living in some hippy’s fever dream conception of a socialist commune with free tofu for all and an open bar by the pool between three and five by now.

(more…)

88 Comments


Bring me the head of Ryan LeVin, please.

June 8th, 2011 by

Meet Ryan LeVin:

LeVin is the 36 year old millionaire jewelry heir who this past weekend got away with murder.

That’s not to say that he was found not guilty in court. He was found guilty of killing two people (they were British businessmen, but let’s not split hairs) and was sentenced to two years of unmonitored house arrest at his parents’ oceanside condo and ten years probation.

(more…)

6 Comments

BEASTcast 10: Bunting/Murphy

May 30th, 2011 by

BEASTcast episode 10: Bunting/Murphy (mp3)

In this Very Special BEASTcast, I talk to BEAST editor-in-chief Ian Murphy about his recent run for Congress to represent the 26th District of New York. We all know that it is illegal to make fun of thin-skinned local television personalities, but is it still illegal when an editor of a satirical website does it? Did Murphy break into his opponent’s phone bank in order to obtain incriminating evidence? And what’s up with escalating the war in Indochina to Cambodia and Laos? These questions and many more will be answered.

Music is by Pigface and is used with permission.

You can subscribe to the BEASTcast by using this link in iTunes or any other podcast subscription software.

4 Comments

BEASTcast 9: Seth Shostak

May 26th, 2011 by

BEASTcast episode 9: Seth Shostak (mp3)

Here is an interview with Seth Shostak. He is the Senior Astronomer at the Search for Extraterrestial Life (SETI) Institute and the author of such books as Sharing the Universe: Perspectives on Extraterrestrial Life and Confessions of an Alien Hunter: A Scientist’s Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. We talk about SETI, its recent budget difficulties, and whether or not aliens are going to destroy us all in an act of mercy.

Here is Dr. Shostak’s radio show, Are We Alone?

Here is SETI@Home.

Here is the graphic we discussed.

Music is by Pigface and is used with permission.

You can subscribe to the BEASTcast by using this link in iTunes or any other podcast subscription software.

Comments Off

BEASTcast 8: PZ Myers

May 23rd, 2011 by

BEASTcast episode 8: PZ Myers (mp3)

Here is an interview with PZ Myers. He is a professor of biology at the University at Minnesota Morris and has a very popular blog called Pharyngula. He’s an outspoken advocate for science and atheism and a critic of religion and pseudoscience. He is also the owner of a fantastic beard. We talk about deformed Stalinist Nazi squid in outer space, diapers, religion, fig trees and why Jesus hates them, PZ’s upcoming book, condoms, and stuff like that.

Music is by Pigface and is used with permission.

You can subscribe to the BEASTcast by using this link in iTunes or any other podcast subscription software.

3 Comments

  • Archives