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Posts Tagged with ‘Hugar’


Capitalism! Overeating! Madonna! Oh, and football.

February 2nd, 2012 by

The Beast Super Bowl preview!


Before I give you my take on this year’s Super Bowl, there’s one thing you should know: my opinions will be completely biased. I’m a diehard Patriots fan, and this Sunday there’s nothing I’d like to see more than the Pats ripping the Giants to shreds, while Eli Manning sobs on the sideline in disgrace like the over-hyped, less-talented sibling that he is, therefore making up for the crime against humanity that happened 4 years ago, when the Giants somehow managed to beat the Pats, which still stands as the single worst day of my life. (more…)

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Worst Basketball Team Ever?

January 18th, 2012 by

Washington Wizards cast powerful sucking spell

This past June, Washington Wizards fans had a fair amount to be excited about. They had a young potential superstar in John Wall, they were finally getting rid of the godawful uniforms that had plagued them for 15 years and were going back to the much cooler old school Bullets colors, and they had drafted Jan Vesely, a so-called “dunking ninja” from the Czech Republic who had tons of athleticism, and wasn’t exactly shy about PDA. Maybe they weren’t a playoff team, but they appeared to be well on the right track. (more…)

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Coping With the Heat

January 3rd, 2012 by

How to Deal With Miami Heat Dominance

We’re a week into this shortened NBA season, and already the Miami Heat look un-fucking-stoppable. After getting bloody revenge against the Mavericks on Christmas day (sidenote: that team looks awful), they plowed through a rapidly aging Celtics team, and just this past Sunday, they slaughtered the Bobcats by 39 points – and that was when Lebron was having an off day! (more…)

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5 Things To Expect From The NBA Season

December 22nd, 2011 by

It’s a sports list. You like lists. You like sports.

The NBA lockout is resolved, so much like Moe Syzlak, I can put off my holiday suicide for another year. But what about the season we’re going to get? Last year’s season was one of the most enjoyable seasons in NBA history. That it ended with Miami’s cabal of evil getting humiliated, while Lebron James froze in the headlights like a slightly more pathetic Bambi, was just the icing on the steak. It’s unknown if this season will be as fun, but here’s a few things to expect from the 2012 NBA season. (more…)

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The 5 Worst Songs of 2011

December 21st, 2011 by

It’s a list. You like lists.

Theoretically, there shouldn’t have been too many horrible songs this year. Ke$ha didn’t make an album, for one, and mavens of mediocrity Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and Carrie Underwood all mercifully declined to release new music this year. But like evolution and gravity, this is just a¬†theory. (more…)

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I'm Trying Not To Be A Dick About Community

December 8th, 2011 by

But do you have to have such shitty taste, America?!

When Arrested Development was being gushed about (but not watched) on a weekly basis, I felt a bit conflicted. I liked the show. I really did. But damn were the fans annoying. Any week you didn’t watch, you had your intelligence insulted, and people acted like you were contributing to greatest injustice in human history. “Fine, go watch your fucking Two And A Half Men, you goddamned Philistine!” (more…)

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The Roots Accurately Describe Michelle Bachmann

November 22nd, 2011 by

When someone’s a lyin’ ass bitch, someone has to say it

Jimmy Fallon could be pretty funny — I really have no idea. The dude is usually too busy laughing at his own jokes to hear the actual punchline. Last night, however, his Late Night show was the sight of something pretty interesting — the best political statement by a talk show house band. Ever. (more…)

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NASCAR Fans And Rush Limbaugh Are Both Horrible

November 22nd, 2011 by

In related news, the sky continues to be blue

Okay, folks, I’m going to let you in a dark, disturbing secret that may forever change how you perceive me: I like NASCAR. You read that correctly. The weekly event in which a gaggle of privileged white rednecks drive in a circle for three hours? I find it legitimately entertaining. (more…)

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The War On Nickelback

November 17th, 2011 by

Thanksgiving uprising thwarted, but spirits still high

Nickelback isn’t just a shitty band, they’re the shitty band. When you think of plodding uninspired garbage that symbolizes the absolute death of modern rock music, they’re the band that first comes to mind. Sure, there’s plenty of other bands stinking up the joint, but Nickelback is the face of the movement, and the Hinders and Theory of a Deadmans of the world are merely their tepid co-conspirators. (more…)

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