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Posts Tagged with ÔMurphy can has CongressŐ


May 23rd, 2011 by

Volunteering at the Corwin Phone Bank


AMHERST–It was like any other day after the apocalypse. “This is the Sabbath!” an older woman shouts in my ear. “It’s supposed to be a day of rest!”

“I know, ma’am,” I say. “But–

“But nothing!” she yells. “I can’t believe you people are calling me again!”

“But there’s a very important election coming up this Tuesday and if you don’t vote for Jane Corwin horrible  things will happen to you and the people you love…she was a successful business fetus…hello?” (more…)


Trail of Tears

May 18th, 2011 by

PBS violates my First Amendment Rights, mocks our Constitution

What rot. NBC wouldn’t let me into their “debate,” but they’re a private sector company and, therefor, can legally exclude any candidate they want on the flimsiest of pretexts–like one of the candidates hurt their feelings. But now the PBS station out of Rochester WXXI won’t let me into their debate. In fact, I “did not meet WXXI’s debate inclusion guidelines and was not invited to participate.”


I’ve been trying to find out all day what these guidelines are, but the people at WXXI won’t talk to me. They actually hung up on me several times before letting me leave a message. Maybe I’m not tall enough. Or rich enough. But a good guess is that the “guidelines” are either an arbitrary minimum number in the polls, or just complete bullshit. Either way, it’s complete bullshit. Not only is it a huge pile of steaming bullshit, it’s a violation of the Constitution of these here United States. Call the motherfucking TEA Party. Oh, right, republicans only pretend to give a shit about the Constitution.

PBS is partially funded by the government, and the government cannot legally silence a candidate who is on the ballot. It’s state censorship.

In ’98 the Supreme Court ruled “that a state-owned television station may exclude political candidates from a televised debate as long as the exclusion is reasonable and not based upon the speaker’s viewpoint.” Firstly, who is to decide what is “reasonable”? If I were in charge of PBS, I may want to exclude Jane Corwin because she’s a terrible liar who represents the very worst of humanity. That is reasonable to me. I may be tempted to exclude Jack Davis because he might just start riffing on why he hates the blacks. That seems like a reasonable fear. I may exclude Kathy Hochul because her deeply forced cringe would scare any children watching. Will no one think of the children?

Secondly, what would be a reasonable exclusion if it’s “not based upon the speaker’s viewpoint”? The speaker’s viewpoint seems like the only reasonable thing you could use to exclude someone from a debate. Age, race, sex, income level, etc. certainly isn’t a “reasonable” basis to exclude a candidate from taking part in a debate. So what else is left? The poll numbers? Really? That’s your reasonable exclusionary policy, WXXI? It would really help if they’d just answer the goddamn phone.

Well, what is a candidate’s poll number based on? Voter perception based on age, race, sex, physical attractiveness, height, wealth/advertising power and political viewpoints. None of these things could be used to legally exclude that candidate from participating in a debate, so how could one’s poll number be used to justify exclusion?

UPDATE: Someone from WXXI called me a few hours ago to explain their guidelines. His name was Chip, Chaz, or Cuntface. I don’t remember. It turns out that their “reasonable” exclusion policy is based on poll numbers, among other things. Hilariously, he told me one of the guidelines was that I haven’t gotten enough media attention…to get media attention. OK! CBS, HuffPo, Salon, The Young Turks, New York Magazine–just to name a few–do not count as media outlets. You get that, people who work at these places? You are not in the media. You are janitors or something.

I asked Chip or Chaz or Cuntface if he’s had a change of heart. He said no. I asked if he felt like a big ‘ol dickhead. He thought about it for a second then said no and hung up.

Anyway, I’m going to eat a bagel before this place in Rochester kicks me out for stealing their Wi-Fi.



Levin on a Prayer

April 29th, 2011 by

Local news personality Scott Levin just showed up at my house

So I’m chilaxing on the couch, editing a forthcoming campaign video, and this tall, orange robot’s ringing my doorbell. What the fuck? It’s in polar fleece. It has the blue tooth. It is vaguely threatening.


Is that local NBC affiliate WGRZ news personality Scott to-the-mother-fucking Levin? (more…)


Murphy calls for execution of so-called “Peace Activist”

April 14th, 2011 by

We got this press release from Murphy and if we don’t run it he’ll beat us

**For immediate release**

Ian Murphy calls for the swift execution of so-called “Peace Activist” Nate Buckley, who was pepper-sprayed and arrested following last Friday’s “peace march.”

According to Artvoice’s Geoff Kelly:

“Last Friday’s peace march in downtown Buffalo ended in tears for activist Nate Buckley, courtesy of a dose of pepper spray administered directly into his eyes. Bruises, too, courtesy of the officer’s nightstick. (more…)



April 13th, 2011 by

Kathy Hochul challenges opponents to like hockey


Wow.  Seems like my Democratic opponent Kathy Hochul has really upped her game. Check out this amazing press release (assist to Scott Leffler, for having the stomach to report on this race): (more…)


Murphy can has Congress?

March 23rd, 2011 by

Dear BEAST fiends,

Sorry I haven’t posted anything lately. We have hours of video and pages of notes from the trip to Wisconsin, but something crazy happened when we got back, which has kept me a little busy.

I’ll have a full report from my week in Madtown eventually–with updates on the situation there and what’s bound to be a very cool documentary by my videographer Trotsky. But long story short:  the union-crushing bill the State Senate & Assembly recently crammed through, in a most illegal fashion, has been temporarily blocked by Judge Maryann Sumi of the Dane County Circuit Court in Madison. That’s awesome. How a higher court will rule is unknown, but the idea is to keep it tied up in the legal system until some of the bastard Senate Republicans can be recalled. And many will be. More on Wisconsin later. (more…)


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