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Posts Tagged with ÔMurphyŐ


The 50 Most Loathsome Americans

February 1st, 2012 by

50) Ian Murphy
Crimes: He’s so lazy and drug-addled, Murphy posts a year-end article in February of the following year and thinks that that’s acceptable. Only on this list as a blatant act of self-promotion/preemptive defense against critics, Murphy believes he did enough last year to talk about himself in the third person. Murphy “stole” the identity of David Koch and prank called the Governor of Wisconsin, was denounced by the Society of Professional Journalists and defended by Rush Limbaugh, derped for Congress with 1% of the vote, dedicated more time to making a parody website for his Republican opponent than he does grooming, volunteered for a rival’s campaign, gave $100 to James O’Keefe, reportedly got arrested for waving a dildo around at a National Organization For Marriage rally, and got canned from a well-read blog because he once wrote an article called “Fuck the Troops.” Is fat. Bad at spalling.
Smoking Gun: “I ran for Congress to spend less time with my family.”
Sentence: Haunted by his many successes.

49) Harold Camping
Crimes: To hype his May 21st Judgment Day, the frog-voiced preaching mummy rented over 1,200 billboards, all of which Jesus totally missed. It wouldn’t matter if this guy was just masturbating under his “End is Nigh” sandwich board, like a respectable doomsayer, but every time he “predicts” the rapture many of his 200,000 benighted listeners max-out their credit cards for his $72 million Family Radio, and some lunatic slashes her children’s throats, so they won’t have to suffer through the tribulation.
Smoking Gun: In this May 19th BEAST interview with Camping you can hear a vacuum — because nothing says you sincerely believe the END OF THE WORLD is two days away, and not an obvious scam to bilk your followers, like keeping up on housework.
Sentence: Deathbed conversion to Scientology, posthumously baptized by Mormons, savings bequeathed to a charity chosen by Ricky Gervais. (more…)

145 Comments

Koch Whores Attack!

January 18th, 2012 by

Wisconsinites turn in 1.1 million signatures to recall Walker, Andrew Breitbart goes after The BEAST

My life is funny. By day — or whenever I wake up — I’m a mild mannered blogger. But by night — or whenever I get around to it — I’m engaged in an epic battle against evil billionaires, corrupt politicians and their craven media lapdogs, for the very soul of America. It sounds crazy. But that’s my life. It’s actually a lot of peoples’ lives these days. The sleeping giant is now awake and in the streets.  (more…)

10 Comments

When Birchers Attack!

January 17th, 2012 by

What took them so long?

I really should be working on our annual 50 Most Loathsome Americans list (it’s pretty late, I’m aware), or preparing for court later (I was arrested for filming a cop) or at least shaving…or ironing my sport coat…or showering, but the National Review posted a hit piece on me yesterday, so I’m going take a few minutes this morning to respond. These are minutes I could use appreciating the fleeting natural wonder that is life. Instead, I’m going to waste them entirely, rooting through the shit-end of Wisconsin politics. (more…)

21 Comments

Recalling Walker

January 16th, 2012 by

Nearly a million Wisconsinites sign recall petition, I shake some of their hands

[UPDATE 1/17/12: 1.1 million recall signatures turned in.]

So Santa Claus Steve flew me out to Wisconsin. He thought I should do a little tour and pump up petitioners during the last leg of the recall effort. And who am I to argue with Santa Claus Steve? People like me here. OK, most people like me here. In Milwaukee there were two women collecting recall signatures right in the airport. Santa Claus Steve introduced me as David Koch. I tried to make him stop doing that, but he wouldn’t.

The Capitol rotunda during the daily noon singalong

The recall petitions get turned in to Madison and officially tallied on January 17th (unfortunately, I have to be in Buffalo to fight for the Freedom of the Press – the WordPress, but still). I’m not privy to any official recall numbers, but between you and me, Wisconsin absolutely crushed this thing. 540,000 signatures are needed to trigger a recall election; I’d be surprised if the final number weren’t more in the 1 million neighborhood — each for Walker and Lieutenant Governor Rebecca Kleefisch.  (more…)

9 Comments

BEASTcast 16: Jill Stein

December 22nd, 2011 by

Murphy chats with the best presidential candidate you’ve never heard of — the Green Party’s Dr. Jill Stein.

For more info on how to take our country back from Wall Street, visit jillstein.org.

Or, you know, just throw your vote away on one of the two-party corporate hacks.

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Christopher Hitchens: Twilight of the Idols

December 18th, 2011 by

An obligatory eulogy for a truly great man

I became a journalist partly so that I wouldn’t ever have to rely on the press for my information.
- The eminently quotable Christopher Hitchens

A people is a detour of nature to get to six or seven great men.— Yes: and then to get round them
- Friedrich Nietzsche

I became a journalist, though some may dispute that title, for remarkably similar reasons. The cacophonous drumbeat for the Iraq War was my political alarm clock. At the time, I was living in Seattle in a place charmingly dubbed “The Heroin Hotel.” The first time I heard the name Christopher Hitchens, I was babysitting a scab-ridden junkie who was going through detox. The building manager/den mother needed to go get some pot for the junkie’s nausea, and asked if I’d keep an eye on him. He was sweating profusely, groaning, and periodically puking into a bucket. I turned on the TV to drown out the painful retching. And there was Hitchens, making an extremely erudite case for war. I thought, “Who is this pretentious, lying piece of shit?” So, for me, Hitchens’s legacy includes both his impeccable grasp of the English language, and the needless death of hundreds of thousands of innocent people.

 

Though I hated him immediately, what made me dislike him more was that I eventually came to like him. The title of his Mother Teresa takedown, Missionary Position, is enough to enshrine him in the halls of awesomeness for all eternity. And despite his ever-shifting justifications for the Iraq War, it’s damn hard not to appreciate the rhetorical venom he heaped on supremely deserving religious idiots.

As a guy who’s tangentially involved in the skeptic/atheist community, I’m friends with people who’ve shared with him scotch and conversation, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat jealous (and when Hitchens actually typed my name, I felt honored). But as a guy who’s tangentially involved in the skeptic/atheist community, Hitchens bothered me greatly, for the same reasons I’m bothered greatly by the skeptic/atheist community: the weird compartmentalization, the seeming inability to apply that cold reason to politics. How much more useful would these smart people be in discrediting myths like Saddam’s WMD than, say, obviously ridiculous propositions like God or chupacabras?

Hitchens can be counted among a tragic number of intellectuals to whom 9/11 represented the moment they stopped being intellectuals. He was so quick to denounce Islam, for its role in “terrorism,” without a) honestly defining terrorism, and b) sufficiently addressing its underlying socioeconomic motivations. The fact of the matter is that what we call “terrorism” is just relatively ineffective warfare for poor people. I’m all for mocking every religion, publishing the odd Muhammad (PB&J) cartoon, and challenging the moronic political correctness of the left. But without repeatedly addressing — or ignoring altogether — the root causes of terrorism, Hitchens proved himself as myopic as Sam Harris. (And if you’re in doubt about Harris being more a reactionary than he is guided by empirical data, check out this debate he had with Robert Wright. And, sorry, but if you’re unswayed by Wright’s fact-based arguments it’s likely because you’re an illogical Harris fanboy/girl.)

Religion, just like hating religion, can be used to justify all manner of terrible things. One of those terrible things was the Iraq War — even though it had absolutely nothing to do with it. Christopher Hitchens used his undeniable genius to help justify one of the greatest tragedies of our time. And reading a near-endless string of sycophantic goodbyes from people who’re supposed to pride themselves on their capacity to reason is, for me, a great deal sadder than his untimely death.

(And for a more thorough, and likely satisfying, counterpoint to the slew of postmortem blowjobs, read this excellent Alex Pareene piece at Salon – or this equally honest obit by John Cook at Gawker.)

In Hitchens’s last article for Vanity Fair, he rightly eviscerated Nietzsche for his notoriously awful sentiment: “Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” But Freddy had a point about humanity being a detour to get to a few great people, and then round them. For some atheists and skeptics, Christopher Hitchens could arguably be counted among the few great people we needed to get to. And now we need to get past him.

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19 Comments


Can we just shoot some pigs already?

November 16th, 2011 by

America’s cops should remember that their employers have the right to bear arms

I should preface this article by stating:
1) Despite my liberal use of the editorial “we,” I do not represent the 99% movement in any way, and the Occupiers have explicitly denounced violence, so there’s no point citing the following as another mythological example of OWS’s violent tendencies.
2) I also do not necessarily think that physical force is a smart tactic, in terms of goal-advancement, public relations, or general effectiveness, but I do think it’s important to put the fear of violent reprisal into the small, fascist minds of the thin blue slime, for it seems to be what they understand.
3) And, yes, I know: not all cops are overcompensating psychopathic needle-dicks; some of them are overcompensating needle-vaginas. (more…)

20 Comments

OWS vs. DHS

November 9th, 2011 by

Counter terrorism restricts 1st Amendment

It’s been nearly a decade since the Department of Homeland Security was foisted upon our frightened nation, and all we got was this lousy police state. Petulant, Americans tend to scoff at the notion, and mock those who suggest the reality. “We’re not as bad as N. Korea!” goes the typical internet rebuttal. Fair enough; we’re not as bad as N. Korea. (more…)

3 Comments

Crooks, Liars & Cowards

November 3rd, 2011 by

Or why I can’t afford a cell phone

Maybe you noticed that I was writing for Crooks & Liars for a minute there. Well, that’s done. They found out that I once wrote an article called “Fuck the Troops” — apparently, they couldn’t be bothered to Google my name before bringing me aboard. They wanted a mea culpa. I wrote one. I wrote something, anyway. That was three weeks ago. Instead of having the ovaries to just fire me, they ignored me, likely wishing I’d just drop dead from fatness. (more…)

30 Comments

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