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Posts Tagged with Murphy



Nice to meet me

June 1st, 2010 by

New Editor-in-Chief Ian Murphy raps about The BEAST and more with contributor D. Armenta

Say, Mr. Murphy—can I call you Ian?

Of course, Mr. Murphy is my father’s name. [Insincere chuckle]

Is the Buffalo Beast dead, or what? First you stopped printing, then went to website, then all posts stopped. What’s going on?

The BEAST isn’t dead, but it is starving. It’s very difficult to maintain the financial viability of any media outlet, especially in the internet age, and our particular brand of vulgarity has never played well with advertisers. While our abject lack of operational capital has been apparent, well, forever, it never seemed to bother us. But this winter was a demoralizing time, for a bunch of reasons, and we basically just dropped the ball. However, as this sycophantic interview and the other fresh posts suggest, I have picked up that ball. And I hope to accomplish some kind of sports metaphor with said ball in the near future. (more…)

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The 50 Most Loathsome Americans, 2009

January 29th, 2010 by

Tiger_Woods

50. Tiger Woods

Charges: Rose to god-like celebrity and tycoon-level riches smacking a ball into a hole with a stick. His promiscuity with commercial endorsements makes his sexual dalliances seem frivolous by contrast. Cheated on his Swedish supermodel wife with over a dozen women, all of whom look like “Rock of Love” washouts.
Exhibit A: “Who is your new boy toy?”
Sentence: Zero stroke penalty. (more…)

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Family Lies!

December 5th, 2009 by

family-lies

How Meredith Baxter’s obvious secret nixed the public option before it was ever debated, spawned homelessness in America and led to 9/11

BY IAN MURPHY

“What would we do, baby, without us?”
-Family Ties Propaganda Song

It’s 1983: pro-business, family values conservatism is sweeping the nation, new creatures called homeless are squeegeeing the windshields of our wicked DeLoreans, Reagan’s CIA is funding the Mujahideen to repel the evil Soviets from Afghanistan and an NBC gem in its second season called “Family Ties” warms the nation’s cathode rays and hearts. (more…)

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THE IDIOT MACHINE

March 15th, 2009 by
ANOTHER ABORTIVE ATTEMPT AT ACCOUNTABILITY

BY IAN MURPHY

It came to me in a crystalline vision. Like Tesla, but dimmer. I could see the device functioning flawlessly in my mind’s eye, silhouetted by autumn dusk. Its design was simple, elegant, radio-controlled. The distant controller triggered the motor, turning the winch, winding the string, squeezing the pneumatic garden sprayer handle—and POOP! My invention wouldn’t revolutionize the world as did Tesla’s alternating current, but it would shoot shit at Karl Rove. (more…)

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GOD: STILL DEAD

October 10th, 2008 by

Long live PZ Myers!

INTERVIEW BY IAN MURPHY

PZ MYERThe “magnificent P-Zed Myers,” as he’s known by Richard Dawkins, is a fearless heathen. The tagline of his blog Pharyngula reads: “Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal.” He’s publicly desecrated the Eucharist and been chastised by the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue, bucked down libel suits, received countless death threats from religious kooks and he can kick God’s old, white ass with nothing but his mind. Myers teaches biology at the University of Minnesota, Morris. We decided to give him a call. (more…)

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GROOMING THE BEAST

September 10th, 2008 by

Primate Robin Dunbar talks language, politics, and cyborgs

INTERVIEW BY IAN MURPHY

dunbarEvolutionary anthropologist, biologist and psychologist Robin Dunbar is most famous for comparing primate brain mass and troupe size to find the social limits imposed by the human brain. Dunbar’s number (about 150) can be seen limiting the populations of indigenous tribes, army units, corporate offices and other social groups worldwide. Ian Murphy called Dunbar at his office at the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at the University of Oxford. (more…)

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TERROR ALERT!

August 10th, 2008 by

The absolutely true story of how The BEAST smuggled al Qaeda into the U.S.

BY IAN MURPHY

“I want security, yeah
Without it I had a great loss, oh now
Security, yeah
And I want it at any cost, oh now”

-Otis Redding

July 16, 2008—“Are you guys crazy?” a fisherman screams to us across his bow. His larger, motorized vessel rocks precariously in the Lake Erie chop, fifty yards off our port. The wind is twenty if it’s a knot. The sea, she’s a daft wench this morn’.

“Yarrrrrr, matey!” Jones manages to answer, as a white-capped swell pitches our canoe like a child’s toy. The fiberglass prow hammers the deep trough and he bounces forward. “Yarrrrr!” (more…)

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The Wrath of Con

June 10th, 2008 by

khanEvangelical Dirtbag W.V. Grant Scams Tens of Thousands from City’s Poorest, Media Takes Nap

BY IAN MURPHY

“Can I hear ya say hallelujah?”

“Hallelujah!”

“Can I hear ya say debit ‘r credit?”

“Debit ‘r credit!”

“Hallelujah Lord!”

W.V.GrantJune 6, 2008, BUFFALO—Ex-con, con-man “faith healer” Rev. W.V. Grant hard-sells the flock of 150 at the One in Christ Temple. This humid night is his last working a five-week hustle on the city’s east side. Tomorrow, the “Miracle Crusade Revival” pulls up stakes to go bleed another town. As instructed, I hold hands with a Muslim convert from Sierra Leon. (more…)

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