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Posts Tagged with Tea-baggers

Caigoy Shrugs

December 27th, 2010 by

BEAST philosopher-at-large Michael Caigoy reads Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, so you don’t have to

Part One

“What is it with you and rape? No one’s raping anyone!”
— Dexter Morgan

I’ve always found Rand objectionable as a philosopher. Specifically, her uncredited middle-school re-writes of Nietzsche’s hits, and personal revelations based on really obvious tautologies. Seriously, “A” is “A”? It’s a symbol, you dingbat. It’s what we say it is. Is somebody spreading rumors that an abstract symbol isn’t itself? A legit problem is determining its relationship with our experience of reality (e.g. Wittgenstein’s language games if you’re ready for the real shit). And existence exists? Are you fucking kidding me? We’ve gone from Hume and Kierkegaard to this? Listening to her impatience at other ideologies reminds me of a five year-old considering the world’s problems. Can’t get the Chilean miners out? “Why not just build a robot?” she’d say, handing over a sketch; herself pictured overseeing the operation from a unicorn. When kids do it, it’s cute (theoretically), but seeing a brusque Russian author do it — not so much. (more…)


Black & Godless in Philly, Harlem and D.C.

October 22nd, 2010 by

Or Richard Dawkins, Other Africans Reveal Radical, Atheist Afro-genda at Howard University


THE NORTH AMERICAN WILDERNESS—Used to be a time when a white man could put a black lawn jockey or Carl Paladino sign out front of his summer home, and feel a sense of pride, because race-hate was moral in God’s book. And black folks appreciated the white man’s sins because the same book taught them that to suffer on the oppressor’s cross was divine. Those were the “good old days,” as candy bars only cost 5¢ and the gays knew their place.

But no more. There’s a black POTUS. Black atheists meet out in the open. Even my girlfriend is black! What has happened to my country? (more…)


Study: 70% of Republicans Can't Identify Self in Mirror

September 5th, 2010 by

CHICAGO (AB)–Researchers at the Institute of Incredibly Depressing Statistics (IIDS) have released a new and incredibly depressing statistic: 70% of republicans are unable to identify their own image in a mirror.

Study participants were asked to stand in a lineup, which included a houseplant, a cardboard cutout of Mel Torme, a bucket full of monkey spit and a large wheel of sharp cheddar cheese. IIDS scientists then presented the subjects with a wall-sized mirror and asked them to point at their own reflection. While 92% of registered democrats were easily able to point out their own reflection, a staggering majority of republicans and independents could not. (more…)

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April 6th, 2009 by

Tea Parties bring out the worst in the worst Americans


This was the rabble. And they were being roused.

“I was asleep six months ago,” an angry Laurie Kostrzewski shouts into the mic. “I’m awake now!”

The crowd of roughly two hundred erupts in cheers. Kostrzewski was an organizer of Buffalo’s April 15th Tea Party. For some damn reason, they’ve decided to have another rally this weekend at the wistfully named Club W on Delaware Ave. What happened six months ago? What woke her up? What terrible thunderclap roused this cretin from her political slumber?

“I gotta get a gun now,” one denim and flag wrapped patriot tells me. “I got a friend in California sending me a rifle in three pieces—butt first.” What’s she so scared of? What unthinkable, earth-crumbling, paradigm shift has reaffirmed her 2nd amendment blood lust? Who is she going to shoot? Does she realize she’s dressed like that? (more…)

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April 5th, 2009 by

Fake Fascism, Phony Populism & False Outrage


I’m actually starting to feel sorry for conservatives. They’ve never made much sense, but the trouncing they took in November appears to have driven them completely insane.

I can’t think of a better word to describe people who meet up to protest taxes when taxes have not been raised, or who actually accuse the president who ended torture of being a fascist.

It seems fairly obvious, but if taxes and deficits were the issue, these same people would have been out in the streets for years now. The real issues, the true motives behind these paltry protests, are fairly simple: They lost, and there’s a black guy with a foreign-sounding name in the White House. Does anyone think a bunch of old white people would be out in the street shouting crazy shit about fascism if Hillary Clinton was president? Not a chance. They’d be mad, but not insane. (more…)

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