Name: Scott Brown
Turn-ons: Drivin’ my truck, rockin’ with my pubes out, teasing my daughters, terrible Democratic campaigns, mentioning my truck, Curt Schilling and drivin’ my truck!
Turn-offs: Non-trucks, people that don’t know anything about baseball, health care and chest hair.
How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Cosmo Centerfold Winner!: I drove my truck, which I drive, to the photo shoot and I—I won! The contest was between myself and some old lady, but she didn’t try too hard and I drive a truck, so it wasn’t really a contest. Some are calling it the greatest upset in Cosmo history. I call it my truck.
Future Plans: I’m going to drive my truck to the senate, and then drive my truck to the White House! The only question left is whether the bumper sticker on my truck will read “Palin Brown” or “Brown Romney”? “Brown Romney” sounds wicked retahded like some kinda qweah sex move. Go Sox!
How I’d Like to be Remembered: Ah, let’s see… as a guy who drives a truck and as the final nail in the coffin of meaningful health care reform. We done here?