"Totally coup, yo."

Page 3 Flesh-eating Robot

Dec

06

by

eatrName: EATR (Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot)

Turn-ons: Dystopian science fiction, decaying corpses, fudge

Turn-offs: Hippies, blowflies, internal combustion

How I got to be The BEAST Page 3 Flesh-eating Robot: I began in 2003 as just a gleam in a DARPA contractor’s eye. Over the years, thanks to a steady diet of Pentagon money, I have become a full-blown proto-Terminator—like Wall-E with a gun turret and an appetite for biomass. You have to admit, I’m pretty awesome. Even George Lucas didn’t think of battle-droids that ate people to recharge their batteries. Don’t worry, though—just because I can eat you doesn’t mean I will. As the CEO of my engine’s manufacturer says, “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission.” Of course, they’re not the ones who designed my artificial intelligence, but that guy totally said I’d be programmed not to eat corpses and stick to vegetable matter. Of course, that’s just a line of code that can always be changed later, but that would violate the Geneva conventions, and there’s no way a great country like America would do that, right?

Future Plans: Kicking ass and eating rancid kebab in central Asia.

How I’d Like to be Remembered: As the beginning of a new chapter in evolution, and the eventual cure for human overpopulation.

  • Legion

    Yay! I was hoping for this next step when I saw a prototype of this being developed at the University of South Florida (of all places):

    http://discovermagazine.com/2001/apr/breakeating

    The so called “gastrobot!” Of course even back then they loved assuring us it was a vegetarian. It’s only a matter of time of course, but my dream of flesh eating robotic spiders consuming humanity is another step closer to reality! Thank you, crazy defense contractors!

    – “My name is Legion: for we are many.”

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