A comprehensive guide
by Joe Dixon
12. Always thought actual Wall Street reform is gay.
11. Now that he’s had a chance to think about it, he does like dumb wars.
10. Did not disclose his “there is no such thing as too many unemployed black people” policy.
9. Never informed liberals that bi-partisanship was his shorthand for “I like ass rape.”
8. Neglected to tell his progressive supporters that his minor in college was Joe Lieberman.
7. Never brought up to his base his deeply held belief that he always found Martin Luther King, Jr. to be a little pushy.
6. Suppressed any knowledge among his supporters that he enjoyed getting his head shoved into a toilet.
5. Forgot to tell progressives that in High School he was bitten by a radioactive Ronald Reagan.
4. Had edited out of his best selling book, Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, the passage where he sneaks into Phyllis Schiafly’s home and sniffs her panties.
3. Never opened up about his life long dream to be a one-term president.
2. Didn’t express his feeling that the Three-Fifths Compromise was “boner worthy.”
1. Failed to mention during his campaign for the Presidency that his original slogan wasn’t “Yes We Can” but rather “Yes, we can have a smarter, blacker George Bush”.
Joe Dixon is currently black and unemployed. Go to his Youtube channel or else.