"Totally coup, yo."

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Domo Arigato, Mr. Ten Trillion Robotos!

Mar

15

by
INTERVIEW BY IAN MURPHY

Is Obama better than Jesus? Did Darwinism destroy our economy? Are people more than just meaty robots? If Chris Brown beats Rihanna in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound? Is Christopher Hitchens ever sober? The BEAST’s Ian Murphy asked world-renowned philosopher-genius Dr. Daniel Dennett these questions and more!

BEAST: Recently, Harris Interactive asked 2,600 Americans: “Who do you admire enough to call a hero?” Obama beat out Jesus for number one—

DENNETT: Oh, that’s good.

B: That’s change we can believe in?

D: I think so, yeah. I think that, actually, Jesus makes a fine hero. I’ve always thought that Gandhi was about right there. He says, I like your Jesus, it’s your Christians that I have trouble with. In fact, we had some discussion of forming a group called Atheists for Jesus. Although, I think it’s still problematic. Yeah, I think this is a good sign.

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The 50 Most Loathsome Americans, 2008

Jan

10

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50. Barack Obama

Charges: Beyond a few token acts of bipartisan marketing, Barry’s major duty in the Senate was to avoid legislating, so he could pretend Washington-outsider status and nullify attacks on his non-existent policy positions. That’s the thing about Obama and his candidacy: He was a blank slate, the pinnacle of vapid public relations—onto which the benighted masses may project their sincerest, yet unfounded, hopes in the wake of the worst administration in history. Couldn’t disown Rev. Wright, until he suddenly could, and then marred his first moments as president ahead of time by inviting a pastor whose advice to gays is just to refrain from sex for life. Promised not to run for president, then did; vowed to take public election funds, then didn’t; backed telecom immunity, then accepted the nomination at the AT&T sponsored convention; expressed displeasure with Clinton’s hawkish foreign policy and vote for war in Iraq, then named her as Secretary of State. And despite all that, he’s plenty affable. There’s nothing more loathsome than a likable politician.

Exhibit A: “Yes we can” is the “Just do it” of politics.

Sentence: Presiding over the decline of an exhausted empire.

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CROCK THE VOTE

Nov

10

by

BRAD FRIEDMAN ON THE EPIC FAIL OF 2008

INTERVIEW BY ALLAN UTHMAN

bradFriedman

Brad Friedman is perhaps the most diligent and unassailable election integrity advocate in America. His work at Bradblog.com is required reading for anyone who gives a damn about maintaining democracy in America, and he’s also the guy we call whenever we start freaking out about the insanity of allowing hackable, untested voting machines to tabulate an election between two morally bankrupt parties, or the bitter injustice of trumped up voter fraud charges taking precedence in the media over real, actual voter fraud.

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LET’S GET SOCIAL: Americans Prefer to Hang Separately

Nov

10

by

By Allan Uthman

Now that fiscal “conservatives” have devastated this country in ways that only the most knuckleheaded can deny (or blame on Barney Frank), it seems that “liberal” just doesn’t pack the epithetic wallop it once did. Just a few years ago, it was enough to tar a Democrat as a liberal to hurt him in the polls, but Barack Obama hasn’t even done much to evade the charge. People may just be thinking that the liberals might not be so bad, considering that they have turned out to be right about seemingly every policy argument of the past decade or so.

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GOD: STILL DEAD

Oct

10

by

Long live PZ Myers!

INTERVIEW BY IAN MURPHY

PZ MYERThe “magnificent P-Zed Myers,” as he’s known by Richard Dawkins, is a fearless heathen. The tagline of his blog Pharyngula reads: “Evolution, development, and random biological ejaculations from a godless liberal.” He’s publicly desecrated the Eucharist and been chastised by the Catholic League’s Bill Donohue, bucked down libel suits, received countless death threats from religious kooks and he can kick God’s old, white ass with nothing but his mind. Myers teaches biology at the University of Minnesota, Morris. We decided to give him a call.

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GROOMING THE BEAST

Sep

10

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Primate Robin Dunbar talks language, politics, and cyborgs

INTERVIEW BY IAN MURPHY

dunbarEvolutionary anthropologist, biologist and psychologist Robin Dunbar is most famous for comparing primate brain mass and troupe size to find the social limits imposed by the human brain. Dunbar’s number (about 150) can be seen limiting the populations of indigenous tribes, army units, corporate offices and other social groups worldwide. Ian Murphy called Dunbar at his office at the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at the University of Oxford.

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Moldy Dick

Sep

10

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John McCain’s Fraudulent Legend

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

I know we’re supposed to be used to this stuff by now, but this recent rash of “faith and values” presidential campaign events is still freaking me out. It was bad enough listening to Republican Senators lie about how often they pray, but now I’ve got to watch Democrats prostrate themselves before the one demographic that despises them the most, evangelical Christians. At least John McCain had the good sense to pass up an audience with the NAACP. When you’re beat, you’re beat.

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Top 10 Idiocies of the General Election

Aug

10

by

…so far

BY ALLAN UTHMAN

The Surge: Working Overtime

“The surge is working.” It’s an incessant mantra, forever on the lips of politicians and “journalists” these days. It’s as if they can simply will it into truth. Yes, there has been a reduction in violence in Iraq, if the stats are to be believed. But it’s a mistake to think that’s primarily due to an increase in troop strength. What is working in Iraq is the Awakening, a movement of Sunni tribes against al Qaeda in Iraq (which, while a franchisee of the al Qaeda trademark, is really an entirely separate group). Essentially what has happened is that the Sunni Arabs have grown weary of al Qaeda’s tendency to wantonly murder their own people, and to start civil wars and stuff like that. So they’ve started taking money from the Pentagon instead of bin Laden, and things have quieted down somewhat. This change was bound to occur, and preceded the surge. In fact, if Bush had eschewed the surge, and instead sent the equivalent amount of money for bribes and salaries, it would have been much more effective.

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TERROR ALERT!

Aug

10

by

The absolutely true story of how The BEAST smuggled al Qaeda into the U.S.

BY IAN MURPHY

“I want security, yeah
Without it I had a great loss, oh now
Security, yeah
And I want it at any cost, oh now”

-Otis Redding

July 16, 2008—“Are you guys crazy?” a fisherman screams to us across his bow. His larger, motorized vessel rocks precariously in the Lake Erie chop, fifty yards off our port. The wind is twenty if it’s a knot. The sea, she’s a daft wench this morn’.

“Yarrrrrr, matey!” Jones manages to answer, as a white-capped swell pitches our canoe like a child’s toy. The fiberglass prow hammers the deep trough and he bounces forward. “Yarrrrr!”

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